Dante and Cthulhu
Everyone seems to be giving me kudos on this particular part of my Devil May Cry 2 review:
Dante has become a stoic, silent hero like Clint Eastwood’s ‘Blondie’ from “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly” instead of a wise-cracking, rebellious figure more along the lines of Eddie Murphy in “Beverly Hills Cop”. It is a complete character reversal, and it’s so abrupt that you can’t shake the feeling that this Dante is some kind of evil impostor. What happened after the events of Devil May Cry to make Dante act so completely different? Did Trish dump him, and he took it too hard? That would explain Trish’s absence from the sequel.
*Cthulhu’s phone ringing*
Cthulhu: “Cthulhu, fhtagn?”
Dante: “…”
Cthulhu: “Who is this? Is this Dante?”
Dante: “…”
Cthulhu: “Christ, I played the first game, I know you can fucking talk. Why the hell don’t you talk anymore?”
Dante: “… Dunno.”
Cthulhu: “It’s Trish, huh?”
Dante: “…”
Cthulhu: “Shiiiiit, I told you that hoe wasn’t nothin’ but trouble for ya, man. She crashes at your place, strokes Alastor a few times, and then she leaves ya. You’re better off without that crazy bitch.”
Dante: “…”
Cthulhu: “Trish didn’t cut your balls off and hide them in a shoe box, did she?”
Dante: “… No.”
Cthulhu: “Then quit acting like a little emo fag and get on with your life. Hell let’s get together like old times.”
Dante: “Whatcha got in mind?”
Cthulhu: “I’ll start a few cults so you can bust heads, then we’ll go out for a few beers. It’ll get your mind off Thunder-Whore.”
Dante: “Thanks man.”
Cthulhu: “No prob, bro. I’ll start some shit up down on 10th Ave across from Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuts. Peace!”
*Cthulhu hangs up*
One Response to “Dante and Cthulhu”
Wow that was funny. Leave it to Cthulhu to smacktalk some sense into a guy but I always pictured Cthulhu as more of a Twitterer. Nice website btw
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