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The Beatles Anime! Nothing says plastic toy guitars like The Beatles in a Japanese cartoon. I was, however, waiting to hear Eleanor Rigby … no luck, just an acid trip of marching flamingos, rhino-phants and drums.

Alex and Van = Cosmo Cramer’s gay Dago cousin and, just a Dago.

Commence Beatles history channel special. Top it all off with grown men playing with plastic instruments and singing badly. “He said ‘yeah yeah yeah’. She said ‘yeah yeah yeah’. He said ‘yeah yeah yeah’. She said ‘yeah yeah yeah’. He said ‘yeah yeah yeah’. She said ‘yeah yeah yeah’. He said ‘yeah yeah yeah’. She said ‘yeah yeah yeah’. He said ‘yeah yeah yeah’. She said ‘yeah yeah yeah’. He said ‘yeah yeah yeah’. She said ‘yeah yeah yeah’. He said ‘yeah yeah yeah’. She said ‘yeah yeah yeah’…”

Sorry, I’m an Elvis man.

Jesus Christ, the singer on the left is the Bill Gates clone they grew in a test tube from a sample they found in one of his tube socks!

I wonder if they will include Mark David Chapman as the last level of The Beatles Rockband game? (I’m already going to Hell, so I can say it.)

“I am the walrus. Ku ku kachu.” – That honestly freaked me out… scary acid-trip shit.

AH! Kim Jong Il!!!… Oh wait… Yoko Ono… AAAHHHHHH!!!!

Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr walk out. Sweet! They’re walking out…
“Game looks good, mate. Good graphics.”
“Don’t know why we’re here, really.”
“We love your money.”
…And walking off… Such inspirational words to future plastic-toy musicians… fuck.

John Schappert. “We’re not going to show you charts and graphs about sales figures… REGGIE!” I hate this guy’s voice. So nasal and snooty, like those parodies of rich snobby people.

Tony Hawk unveils his 234234325th skate boarding game and… a skateboard controller? A platform you stand on and it sends data to a video game… AND NINTENDO FANS AREN’T BITCHING?? I can’t wait until some dumb shit masters the Tony Hawk Ride game, then breaks his ass trying to jump something on a REAL skateboard. To be honest, though, it does look more fun than Wii Fit. I mean, which is funner: Skateboarding or Yoga? It really bothers me when the REAL skateboard superstars fake their excitement on a big plastic video game controller.

Modern Warfare 2 trailer: FUN!
Modern Warfare 2 gameplay: …mountain climbing? The AI looks abysmal, and with the ‘Aliens’ motion tracker it will be like shooting fish in a barrel. Finally starts picking up the pace and my faith for MW2 is now restored. Player almost pulled a Sonny Bono on a snowmobile. Everyone claps. Yay!

Final Fantasy XIII: “We shocked the world when we said FFXIII would come to Xbox 360” Yeah, no shit. Showing gameplay. Wow, a black guy who is comic relief and whose afro is a birds nest. Nothing racist there. Graphics look sweet, and the gameplay is pretty interesting. Odin is badass, as always.
I can’t get enough of “Ex-ah Bahks-ah”. Too funny.

Epic Games: Wow, tons of problems with the audio. Nice shirt of Bill Gates’s mugshots.
Shadow Complex: Looks and plays like Metroid. Is it just me or did the game bug-out at the end. The character was stuck in the middle of the air so they cut it short. Nothing that impressive anyways.

Joy Ride: looks like the PSP game Grip Shift… like EXACTLY. I have a feeling Sony will wipe the floor with their new racer(s)…

Crackdown 2: Will pass after playing Crackdown 1.

Left 4 Dead 2: Hurricane Katrina!!

Splinter Cell Conviction: SWEET CRAP! I WANT! It’s like Metal Gear Solid, except REALISTIC! My only gripe is that it looks like they are mimicking the sandbox of Assassin’s Creed.

Forza 3: We brought our own car! “With 400 cars…we are the biggest racing game of this generation… until Sony announces Gran Turismo for the PSP which has 800!” The car customization looks sweet, but I’d probably end up making a car with stick figure details…

Bungie
Halo 3 ODST: “Finish The Fight… Again.”
“Any fans of the Halo 1 pistol out there?”
“Audience: “There was a pistol?”
“Then you’ll love this one!”
*shoots enemy with a pistol… just like every other FPS*
Never fails: Aliens can never shoot for shit.
TOP SECRET PROJECT: Another Halo!… joking. …Oh wait, they weren’t? Everybody clap at teh graffix of teh trailer.

SHOW US ALAN WAKE FOR FUCKS SAKE!! FUCK YES!!! DAY 1 PURCHASE!
Is it just me or does this whole game have the same premise (and possibly same OUTCOME) as Silent Hill 2?
I hope this game has a way to TURN OFF the book narration.
Aren’t the shadow-demons townspeople? Would make a good twist if the demons were all in your head, but you were killing REAL people.

Xbox Live is getting Last.FM radio. Not sure what it is exactly, but sounds alright, if you like radio… Netflix is now streaming videos to the Xbox. UK and Ireland are getting can now stream cricket matches! Now movies can be downloaded at 1080p: Download a 50 GB movie in… a week. Fuck that, I’ll buy the disk and watch it in 5 minutes and never have to DL the fucker again or have it eat my whole hard drive. Facebook on Xbox Live, whoopee…

Felicia Day: Is NOT hot. No, she isn’t. Everyone thinks she is, but no, she’s not. People like her because she’s a gamer with tits… sort of… very small ones. She can’t talk for shit either. Sounds like she’s trying to talk while giving her WiiMote a blowjob. Judging by the way she is standing so rigid, you don’t even want to know where the nunchuck is.

Twitter: The stupidest thing ever. Blogging x Texting = Wasting everyone else’s life by constantly talking about your own in short incoherent sentences.

Hideo Kojima announces Metal Gear Solid: Rising for Xbox 360 and PS3. Everone was going crazy… until they announced it was starring Raiden. Things got a bit quieter after that. Still, Microsoft is making the whole affair of MGS coming to Xbox like they stole the next MGS from Sony, instead of just it coming to the Xbox AND PS3. Meh, they pulled the same PR bullshit when FFXIII was announced. And they say that Sony is arrogant.

Playstation Eye… er- Xbox ‘Natal’: Looks interesting, but how much do we want to bet half of these cool things will never see the light of day. They never did for the Playstation Eye. “Will work with every Xbox we have sold, and every Xbox we will sell in the future.” Wow, you discovered USB ports… So, how about the damned thing working for some Xbox GAMES?

Steven Spielberg (?) : Raped Indiana Jones with George Lucas.
“Microsoft isn’t about re-inventing the wheel, it is about no wheel at all”? That makes sense. “We aren’t about making great games, we’re about making no games at all.”

Showing off Natal avatar control: “Ever see the bottom of an avatar’s shoe? Bam!” *avatar gets bent into an inhuman shape* Needs more work.
“This isn’t a game where you sit on the sofa using preset waggle commands” *crowd BOOS*

Using Natal to paint a picture with Paint Party:
“Here’s the sky” *tosses digital paint at random*
“Here’s a cloud.” *tosses digital paint at random*
“Here’s some mountains” *tosses digital paint at random*
“Here’s the ground” *tosses digital paint at random*
“Here’s some dirt texture” *tosses digital paint at random*
“Here’s some treelines” *tosses digital paint at random*
“Here’s a tree in the foreground” *tosses digital paint at random*
“Here’s some palm leaves” *tosses digital paint at random*
“Here’s the elephant. I need help Abby” *they do Karma Sutra*
Result: Looks like a retarded kid ate paint and then had the shits.

“Experiences that can’t be done on any other console” Except Sony that has been doing it since the Playstation EyeToy for the PS2. People believe anything.

Milo: A 3D boy that you can interact with using the Natal. Kinda creepy. It would be interesting to see what would happen if you psychologically damage the virtual boy, though. *A JOKE, Jesus…* If you did Milo would probably drown you in the river you play in. Of course a ‘select audience’ gets to talk to Milo in the demo.

The BS keeps rolling to the very end: “Microsoft is now home to … all hit franchises.”

Umm… Still a lot to tackle, moron: Mario, Metroid, Zelda, Pokemon, Ratchet & Clank, Jack & Daxter, SOCOM, God of War, Gran Turismo, Uncharted, Motorstorm, Kingdom Hearts, Castlevania, Dragon Quest?
Shit, the only Mega Man game you have is Mega Man 9. Don’t be crowning yourselves as ‘King Console’ until you have some REAL IPs.