e3 2009 – Sony Conference – Impressions

Click Here to watch the conference so you can follow along:

Introduced to the song “One Vision” by Queen (Better than Beatles, in my not-so-humble opinion)

Jack Tretton: Making some ackward jokes about the PSP Go! being leaked early. WHOOPSIE! Not really that great of an announcement anyways…
“We are industry leaders at Playstation and press leaks are no exception”
I actually like Jack Tretton, he’s more humble and self-aware than any other Sony spokesman like Kaz.

“Why Playstation will continue to be the mainstay of this industry… behind Nintendo.”

“Only provider with three successful consoles at once.” Funny, I see the PS2, but why the PS3 and PSP? ZING!

Rehashing the fact that PS3 is getting a lot of the same big titles that Xbox is getting.
Kind of feels like they’re playing the role of the annoying younger sibling that always goes “I want to come too!”

Charts and graphs and successful techniques used by Nintendo at their conferences.

Naughty Dog and Uncharted 2: Wow… I honestly can’t knock this. This looks pretty rad- no, even MORE rad than the first. (yes, I’m so excited over it I’m using 1990’s slang).
I love how Uncharted is ‘self-aware’ of itself:
Chick: “Are we going to have to climb?”
Nate: “Yeah, that’s usually what happens…”
HOLY SHIT, ATTACK CHOPPA!! GO! GET AWAY FROM DA CHOPPA!!
TEH BUILDING ARE FALLING! OMG!
Crowd goes wild.

MAG – 256 player FPS game.
Crowd is pretty stoked when they show how many people ‘256 people’ are on the screen.
Game looks pretty tight (as in ‘well designed’). Sweet crap, the maps are huge. How long are these missions going to last? With respawn it would probably take HOURS to finish an online match. I’m out, I can’t play online for that long.

PSP – more charts and graphs. Blah blah ‘Skype and internet radio’ blah blah ‘franchises’… “Richer, deeper portable experience the PSP has no equal.” Yeah, the DS is more successful and the iPhone does everything a PSP does, plus make phone calls.

Hannah Montana bundle w/ lilac PSP!! Crowd goes crazy (but why I have no clue).

Kaz Hirai: Something about this guy kind of rubs me the wrong way. Thanks to YouTube and the 2006 e3, every time I see him I think “Riiiiiiiidge Racer!” He also seems like a used car salesman in my eye.

Unveils PSP Go! (Kaz: “Worst Kept Secret of E3”).
I’m not sold. I like my PSP, I don’t want to be like those people who buy every Nintendo DS that comes out. Besides, I don’t think I could HACK the PSP Go! and download free games- er! I mean, I won’t be able to emulate old SNES and Sega games- er! I mean, I don’t run custom firmware because I respect digital copyright laws (sometimes).

New media manager for the PSP. Boooriiiiing.

“We are going to lower the price of the PSP…” YES!! “… toolkit.” FUCK!!

PSP GO! Price: TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS???

Video Delivery Service: Updated to be accessible via PSP. Finally. No more BS using a PC or PS3 as a middleman. New content from major cable television stations AND more movies.

Gran Turismo for PSP: Rejoice GT fans! … 800 cars?!?!! FUCK YEAH!

Hideo Kojima announces Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker for the PSP. Kojima stressed that he is heavily involved in this game, as well as the MGS4 team. It is not a spinoff or a sidestory, but a legit chapter in the MGS Saga. I think it’s strange that he didn’t make mention of any of that during the Microsoft convention… interesting.
Game looks alright, but I hope it plays like a real MGS game instead all the other MGS games for the PSP like AC!D (card game??) IT’S MULTIPLAYER?? NICE!

PSP getting lots of big-name titles like Resident Evil, LittleBigPlanet, Hannah Montana *crowd goes nuts again… buncha pedophiles…*

Collage of games coming to the PSP. Lotta first party stuff. Devs are probably still being conservative, which sucks because there’s a lot of games I would like them to make so I can download them for free *sarcasm*

More charts and graphs of the PSN… yawn.

Showing off how ‘hip’ Playstation Home is… but we know better… to be fair though, more ‘spaces’ have helped Home out a lot recently, but 95% of the problems still remain (lines, poor games, stupid people)

Montage of PS3 games. Yay, ADHD… Goddamn this is a long ass video…

Assassin’s Creed 2: Wasn’t a fan of the first because it was so damned repetitive. This one looks a little more ‘polished’, especially how they cut down the ‘target assassination cinematic’ to like a whole 5 seconds instead of 5 goddamn minutes. The double-wristblade kill made the whole crowd gasp in sadistic glee. I ‘squeed’ too.
Leonardo DaVinci helps the assassin? What the hell is up with DaVinci being in every fucking religious-themed movie/game?

Final Fantasy XIII – Holy crap it does look amazing. The black guy is still ‘rayzist’.
Would be nicer if they showed more GAMEPLAY than cinema scenes… Fucking Square is probably making the Gameplay to Cinema Scene ratio 2:5…
*sarcasm* “The game is 20 hours, with over 18 hours of CGI Cinematics!” Fuckers.

FINAL FANTASY XIV (14)??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s an MMO? FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

Playstation Motion Controller + Playstation Eye = HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS INSANE!!!!!!!!!
… still looks like a dildo…
Sorry Xbox, but this looks more useful to Gamers than talking to a virtual boy like some creepy guy behind the Mall. Jack Thompson would probably call it a ‘pedophile simulator’. Wahaha.
If they made a medieval game where you could use weapons like real, I’m sold.

Disney is coming to LittleBigPlanet… eh, not bad. A Jack Sparrow Sackboy would be fun.

Mod Nation Racers – Eat shit, Joy Ride (Xbox)!!
Make your own characters, cars, and race tracks with a few clicks. Add mountains, lakes, and SHEEP!!!

Last Guardian (TRICO) Just a trailer, but it looks phenomenal. If this game is like Shadow of the Colossus, it will be a must-have. Just from the trailer alone you can tell that this game has that spark, that ‘soul’ that is in all of Team ICOs games.

Gran Turismo 5 – Not a fan of racing games (realistic ones, anyways…), but this one might be too good to pass up. It’s just a trailer though. THEY LICENSED NASCAR?? GT5 just sold another million copies to the NASCAR die hards.

God of War III – FUCKIN’ A! Kratos is as badass as ever!
Meh, still a ton of excessive platforming and puzzlesolving…
THAT THING IS A TITAN?! IT’S MASSIVE!
HOLY CRAP HE JUST MASSIVELY FUCKED UP THAT CENTAUR!
YEAH, TAKE DOWN THAT … Greek-Monster-Thing and –
Demo is over? Fuck that! You don’t cut your biggest game short, assholes! Kratos demands respect!!!

Leave ‘em wanting more, I guess…

“Thank you for your support over the years” See that? Sony, being humble. Nice isn’t it?