From the GreaterFalls.com blog:

Starbucks was PACKED this morning – amazing how many people were there! They’re closing at 6:00 pm this evening, but don’t worry — they’re opening up at 3:00 a.m. tomorrow (Friday). That’s right – THREE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING, so that folks who plan to do some way-early Black Friday shopping can get hopped up on caffeine and be ready to do battle.

http://www.greaterfalls.com/index.php/2009/11/26/starbucks-update/

Here’s the irony:

People go to stores at 4am to save money on the $700 HDTV, but first they go to Starbucks to get a urine cup-sized cup of coffee for $5.

Rammstein – “Liebe Ist Fur de Alle” album review

Devil May Cry – Future – Series wrapup

Miss .45 – Obscure B-Movie Review

More to follow shortly…

Am I an ‘expert’ in theater management? No, but I have been in many different types of theaters, from small towns in Sanders County, to the Carmike and IMAX theaters around Seattle, WA. I won’t blame JUST the theater, but there’s a lot to be desired with the movie-going experience here.

The cost of food and drinks is ABSURD, especially for the giant boxes of candy that are 80% air and cardboard, and the stale popcorn that tastes like packing-peanuts in olive oil.

If the staff is not physically absent, then they usually are mentally. But I can’t complain too much about them because I never see any other employees outside of the ticket-booth attendant, the ticket-tearer-upper, and the one or two kids manning the snack shack. God forbid I actually see a cleaning crew or a few ushers.

Walking through the rows of seats is an adventure in itself; navigating around the sticky puddles of spilled pop from the previous night is like transversing a minefield while wearing clown shoes. So you manage to keep your shoes clean only to finally plop into a seat and feel something seeping into your right buttcheek. Very classy.

But I honestly blame the whole condition of the theater on THE MOVIE GOERS. Theaters are losing money and can’t afford to hire/train employees or keep up maintenance because fewer people are actually going to theaters nowadays. Why do people choose to ‘wait for the DVD’ or download films? Because of all of the morons you have to watch the movie with.

I can’t stand going to see movies mostly because of all the people around me ruin the experience. Every time I try to see a movie there’s always guys explaining the plot to their brain-dead girlfriends, people Riffing the movie in the back row, and the stupid asses who have to text and/or Twitter in the middle of a film so that all four of their friends can know: “I AM @ TEH MOVIEZ! NEED 2 BUY MILK ON WAY HOME.”

Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll wait for the DVD or download a video-capture from the internet. Then I can enjoy a movie in the comfort and cost-effectiveness of my own home, rather than spend $20 to ruin clothing, be miserable, and lose even more of my faith in humanity.

Sincerely,
Someone who spent last night reading “A Catcher in the Rye”

I’m gonna strike while the iron is hot, and finally review a NEW game.

I purchased Batman: Arkham Asylum last night at about 8pm-ish. I played it until about 5am I was so hooked. After a few hours of rest, I wrapped Arkham Asylum up.

I will post my full review of this great game around Wednesday, I hope. For those of you who are afraid that this will be a straight up, kiss-ass review, you a so wrong. While Batman: Arkham Asylum did a TON right, there are still some parts I can rip about it. Stay tuned!

I’m a huge fan of the Devil May Cry video games (minus the horribly neutered Devil May Cry 2). Just before Devil May Cry 4 was released, I was likely at the point where I would have had a child-like obsession with anything stamped with the Devil May Cry logo: If there was a cereal, I would buy it; if there was DMC t-shirts, I’d wear it; if there were condoms that read ‘Force Edge’ on the side, I would endorse them; and if there was a movie or show, I would watch it.

The latter of which actually came true. Surfing the net to feed my horribly obsessive compulsive nature, I stumbled across news that a Devil May Cry anime was in the works. Most of you know that I have a great deal of prejudice against anime; however, being a fan of the ultra violent and demonic series ‘Hellsing’, I was actually looking forward to a stylish, bad-ass show chalked to the brim with gore, language, and all sorts of nasty monsters.

My first impression of the Devil May Cry anime was overwhelmingly positive, based on the few trailers that had been leaked on sites like YouTube and others. Hell, just look at the opening sequence, it’s incomprehensibly badass in every frame. From viewing montages of action clips, I knew that I would have to buy the DVDs, no questions asked. I expedited an order from Amazon.com (because publicly purchasing an anime would make me feel like a deviant buying volumes of midget-clown porn at Wal-Mart), I cut out of work a little early and watched all of the episodes back-to-back the remainder of the night.

At about midnight, I felt just as violated and unclean as though what I had indeed watched a string of twisted fetish videos that was nothing like I had anticipated.

I was sitting on my couch, pondering in a surreal cloud of thought over what I had seen and how starkly it contrasted my own expectations. The best comparison for my feelings is the equivalent of preparing to tear up carpet in a house because there is a nice hardwood floor underneath: You pull up a corner and it looks good, so then you start slicing and dicing strips of carpet, and halfway through you see that the carpet was hiding deep scratches and water damage. The end result is so underwhelming that you can’t help but be pissed by it.

Devil May Cry Anime in a nutshell:

Dante eating strawberry sundaes.

That’s it… The minute that running gag took hold, my entire perception of everything cool about Devil May Cry shattered around me and blew away like dust in the wind. Dante, the half-demon, monster slaying, crazy-bitch pimping hero of the series eats pretty pink strawberry sundaes like it’s no tomorrow. Also the fact that Dante and his friend, Morrison, are living out a gay fantasy involving adopting a little girl together just tops the cake and makes me question the underlying tones of the series.

Click here to read the Devil May Cry anime reviews by ONOE and LaughingMan.

It’s been a while since I’ve played Valkyria Chronicles, and in a way it’s a shame. Valkyria Chronicles is one of those rare games that not only tries to mix and match genres (in this case “RPG” elements in a “Strategy” game), but is actually successful at it. Matched with incredibly artistic visuals (a pencil & watercolor look that really is impressive), a gripping storyline with well developed characters, and a musical score that really sets the mood, Valkyria Chronicles is a game that shouldn’t be missed by anybody.

So last night I played through the DLC expansion missions for Valkyria Chronicles, Selveria’s Mission “Behind Her Blue Flame” where you play as Selveria, and Edy’s Mission “Enter the Edy Detachment” where you play as a hand full of the secondary characters. After playing Selveria’s mission, I once again realized that I can NOT hate on this game. The DLC expansions were a great call-back to the main game, and a stark reminder of how much of a masterpiece Valkyria Chronicles really is. I hope to see more expansions in the near future, or hopefully a sequel.

But I still hate that little fucking porker, Hans. Though I didn’t see his swiney ass anywhere in Her Blue Flame, he still haunts my memories. Dib from Invader Zim said it best in the episode “Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy“:

Dib: “The pigs…*eye twitches*  THEY HAUNT ME!!”

You can read my full Valkyria Chronicles review by clicking here.

I heard a joke once:

Man goes to doctor, says he’s depressed. He says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatning world.
Doctor says treatment is simple. “The great clown Pagliacci is in town, go see him. It should cheer you up”.

The Man bursts into tears.

“But Doctor,” he says, “I am Pagliacci.”

-Cheers…

I did it… I broke down and saw Transformers 2 against my better judgment.

Though I did not necessarily PAY to see Transformers 2 (my contribution in keeping this piece of shit from becoming “Biggest Grossing Movie of All Time”), and I was right in doing so.

THIS. MOVIE. IS. ASS!!

I am offended as a movie-goer, as a guy who grew up with the Transformers, and as a human being in general.

SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY THINKING?

Schia Lebeof, or whatever the fucker’s real name is, is officially on my “Hollywood Hitlist”. The entire fucking movie he is playing ‘treasure hunter’ (ala “The next Indiana Jones”, GOD FORBID) by teleporting all over the world fighting giant robots. Shit, couple this with Indiana Jones 4, and the fact that Spielburg produced Transformers 1, you can just tell that they are setting Shia up as “Son of Indiana Jones.”

Megan Fox is hot… and THAT’S IT. The fucking bitch can’t even ACT SCARED, SURPRISED, ANGRY, IN LOVE, OR ANYTHING! The only thing she is good at is bending over a motorcycle in Daisy Duke shorts. Shit, that scene was the setup for the entire movie:

THE MOVIE IS GOING TO BE ASS, BUT IT WILL BE A GOOD LOOKING ASS! Read the rest of this entry »

For all of you who actually READ my blog, here is a pre-release copy of the latest in my Devil May Cry Series Review:

Part 4: Devil May Cry 3: Dante’s Awakening

Enjoy!

Michael Jackson died – Autoerotic-asphyxiation over the cover of a boyscout popcorn flier.

Or maybe he died of a stuffy nose…

Seriously though,

I’m upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.