I’m currently suing EA Games for a new leather couch and pair of Levi’s
I believe that the Shooter genre (Both FPS and Over-the-Shoulder) has been milked to death.
Every year there’s at least ten new World War II shooters, five new zombie/horror games, and seven sci-fi themed shooters. Rarely do First Person Shooters or Third Person Shooters deviate from these three genres. It’s possible that it’s because these three genres are ‘safe’ and ‘marketable’. With current legislation against violent video games, what else is there to shoot besides Nazis and terrorists, zombies and demons, and aliens and robots? Anything else would create a shitstorm that would backlash against the game company itself.
The only thing left for a game company to create that would be ‘original’ is to make a Shooter where you kill zombie Nazis in space.
That is the game you would get if you added Hitler to Dead Space.
Anyways, let’s talk about Dead Space:
…
FUCKING AWESOME!
The premise of the game is that you are a virtually anonymous engineer, Isaac Clarke (named after science fiction writers Isaac Asimov and Arthur C. Clarke), of a space ship crew who has intercepted a distress call from an off-world mining station. You and your crew crash land in the docking bay of the mining station USG Ishimura, a “Planet Cracker”, only to find that it is derelict, save for a swarm of a zombified, alien-like monsters, the Necromorphs. The Necromorphs themselves are probably the best-designed alien monstrosities since the original Alien design by H.R. Giger. And, like every other space shooter since Doom, it’s your job to survive long enough to find either safety, or a way off the infested outpost.
As I mentioned above, you are in control of a virtually anonymous crew member. All you have is a name, and up until the end of the game, you don’t even have a face. Apparently I’m the only person alive who has a problem with the main character being the ONLY crew member who wears a helmet, and here’s why: Having a faceless, speechless character removes any attachment I might have towards the character in question.
It’s kind of like an out of body experience, but you never gave a shit about the body you were in. So you have this DRONE, this almost robotic character with no personality that you either love or hate, and no facial expressions to convey his (or even possibly HER *”Metroid” reference*) emotion to the gamer. The result of removing any ‘humanity’ from the main character is an emotional experience equal to a bomb squad sending in one of those tank robots into a building to disarm a bomb: they don’t give a fuck about the robot being blown to hell. If a bomb sniffing dog got killed, there would be a heavy emotional impact. I guess I feel the same way about sending this shell of a man into a monster-infested space ship, which is in sharp contrast to other games like the masterpiece that is Silent Hill 2.
But honestly, I think that is my only real rant. The rest of the game is superb in almost every possible way.
In addition to the tried-and-true story of being stranded somewhere and having to slaughter your way through legions of horrific creatures, there are written and video logs of the ship’s crew detailing some of the events that led up to the current state of the space station. While eerie these accounts may be, the final conclusion is a lot weaker than what I had envisioned in my mind earlier in the game. The analogy here is that it’s like watching the movie of an extremely scary book: What you get isn’t as horrifying as what you had imagined.
Dead Space’s saving grace is that there is also a more personal story where you, the masked emotionally void automaton, are trying to find your wife/girlfriend/princess/whatever, Nicole, who is a member of the Ishimura’s crew. During your scavenging, you’ll encounter Nicole briefly, though you are unable to meet with her. There is also the insane scientist, Dr. Mercer, (*insert thunder and lighting*) who is an insane Scientologist… er, “Unitologist” who wants to bring the source of the Necromorphs, a glyphic stone called “The Marker”, to Earth because he believes the monsters are ‘divine’. This I’m not going to touch up on too much just because I don’t want to ruin any of it for anybody.
Wow, I’m honestly impressed by how this site is holding up. For a website that is about virtually NOTHING except a few rants, reviews, and some funny videos, I’m actually pulling in a ton of traffic.
According to Google Analytics and my website statistics tool, I’ve actually pulled in just under 1500 UNIQUE views this month alone. (Unique = if you go to the website 100 times in 1 day, it still counts as ’1′ hit). A new ‘high’ that we want to break. Not a hard task at all.
People always wonder what the point of this website is, and I always just tell them “stupid crap”. Really, the site has no identity. It’s a game review site, an art site, a public forum, some blogs, and a few old videos I made. My original concept of the site is where friends and I could rant and rave about movies, games, or whatever and create a small web presence. Nothing fantastic, but just be recognized by some.
What I WANT it to be is like a hub where people (not just myself) can post funny/sarcastic video game reviews, their funny videos, etc. etc. Already I have one new member on board (Zimes) and another in waiting (Llama Pockets), but on the internet “content is king” and we’re lacking content.
Am I trying to make this site the next “ScrewAttack.com”? No. Am I trying to make it “ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com”? No.
Anyways, the next steps are as follows:
- Get more people on board this project who have an outlandish funny, yet insightful, opinion on the entertainment industry or life in general.
- Make some new videos for crap’s sake. Seems like the only one that is actually drawing traffic is the Hellsing Ultimate – Arbor Vitate video. I have a ton of funny ideas but only a few will see fruition anytime soon because of money. One hope is Zimes who had an idea that he would post a video where he destroys the game Last Remnant. It’s a great start.
Finally, I will probably hold off on making new blogs for now. Most of the action happens in the forums and other people’s MySpace pages, so, aside from this blog, they rarely get used. Maybe if someone else has a use for one, I’ll create another.
The main story revolves around a couple of ill-fated lovers named Welkin Gunther and Alicia Melchiott. Both are drafted members of Squad 7, a militia in the Dutch-like country of Gallian. While Gunther’s father was a General in EWI (Europan War 1), his orphaned son, Welkin, is (shamefully) the stereo-typical Japanese hero: A pacifist who, both out of love for his friends and loyalty to his homeland, commandeers a machine to fight an evil empire. (Another reason I hate anime…)
To be more honest about Welkin’s personality, he’s actually a ‘naturalist’ who is absolutely ENGROSSED by anything involving nature: Bugs, plants, manure (I seriously didn’t make that last one up…) However, he is also calm, cool and collected enough to earn the respect of his compatriots and fellow soldiers through his insane/ingenious plans at thwarting his enemies, proving he’s not just a rich son of a hero but also a capable leader.
On his way home during an evacuation of his Dutch-style village (windmills and all), he stops by a stream and begins to talk to the fish as he draws them swimming upstream and is captured by one of he head members of the town militia, Alicia Melchiott. (Alicia is also a baker… as in bread and cakes… and that comes into play later in the game as she tries (awkwardly) to get to his heart through his stomach.) Alicia captures Welkin, assuming that he being unfamiliar to her means that he is an Imperial Spy. However, to Welkin’s dumb luck, he is set free after Isara, the well-known and well-respected adopted daughter of General Gunther vouches for her brother.
The town is shortly invaded and it is up to Welkins and Alicia to mount a resistance long enough for the townspeople to escape. After a few battles, Isara informs Welkins that she has a tank (A FUCKING ‘TANK’?) in her barn (?!?!). Isara drives the tank with Welkins giving the orders, and with the help of the Town Watch led by Alicia, they hold off the invasion long enough for people to evacuate and for Welkins and Isara’s nanny to GIVE BIRTH INSIDE THE TANK.
“Look at what we found in the barn! It was behind a pig!”
Shortly after your confrontation, all three members are drafted into the Gallian militia, all under the leadership of Lieutenant Welkin Gunthar. There you meet two hardasses: Rosie, the ex- bar ‘singer’ and current machine-gunner; and Largo, Tank Lancer (tank blower-upper), ex-farmer, EWI veteran and vegetable fanatic. Neither of them like you at first, as both are seasoned veterans who view you as a glory-hound. However, after a few wins, you’ll gain their trust.
In high school I belonged to the band. This by itself isn’t a horrible thing because most of the popular kids in my school were also in band, so the mentality of ‘band nerds’ doesn’t apply.
Except for me.
Anyways, I used to play the alto saxophone in band (badly) and it was an instrument that I couldn’t stand. My 5th grade allure of jazz saxophone melodies slowly melted into the reality that I sounded like a peacock with a broken neck. I have this reoccurring fantasy that I could go back in time and instead of playing the saxophone, I could play my instrument of choice: bass guitar. The bass I really like for the simple fact that you don’t have to BLOW anything, simply pluck the strings. The fingering is no better than a saxophone, but at least you have better control over a bass. Plus it sounds a fucking lot better.
So back to the nightmare:
My nightmare is the simple “be careful what you wish for”. I was in band class (for all of you who think that the following joke is still or has ever actually been funny: not to be confused with ‘band camp’) and I was back in my rotten band classroom, with my cursed alto saxophone laying on my lap with a strap around my neck like the goddamn shackles of a ball and chain.
Luckily, I brought my bass guitar to band class today! I pack away the rotten saxophone, put the strap of my bass over my shoulder and ask Mr. Mussetter (the band director) if I can switch instruments. Normally, he probably would have been THRILLED with the idea, but instead he gives me a cold look and says: “We don’t have bass guitar sheet music.”
My heart sinks, but when I look down at my bass, I’m horrified to see my holding the saxophone. I pack it away and pull out the bass again, hoping that strumming up a few bars of “Seemann by Rammstein”, “The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang”, or at the least “Every Plant We Reach Is Dead by Gorillaz”. But, I’m once again holding the saxophone.
I’m horrified when I see one of the popular underclassmen pick up a fucking ukulele, and start playing all the tunes I was trying to play. Everyone is complimenting him on his musical ability and I’m still holding the saxophone like a jackass. I keep trying to play the bass, but I’m always holding the saxophone and listening to one of the popular kids not only playing the songs, but getting my recognition.
Create a Character (Avatar)
The create an Avatar options in Home are actually really extensive. For the most part, you can create a very close (but never perfect) “3D You” in which to interact with others. You can change not only body shape, but also details like the broadness of your nose and chin, the height of your cheek bones, and so on and so forth. There are also presets that I call “Pick-A-Race” that enables you to change your race quickly instead of messing with the facial feature and skin tone options for hours on end.
What I HATE about the Avatar creation is clothing, or complete lack thereof. When Home first came out, every guy was wearing blue jeans and a gray overshirt, while every girl was wearing tight blue jeans and one of three possible shirts. It wasn’t until later that I learned that you had to go to ‘the Mall’ and BUY (WITH REAL MONEY) new clothes! Each hat, pair of shoes, shirt, or whatever costs between $0.50 – $2.00 of REAL MONEY. And of course with everyone except perverts and pedophiles too cheap to care about buying clothes for their Avatar, everyone sticks with the default clothes.
My initial impression was that, despite having all this creative freedom in creating my character, I was just as distinguishable between other Avatars as one Smurf is with another.
And like The Smurfs, if you’re a ‘Smurfette’, you’re a gang rape victim waiting to happen. (See immediately below)
Interact With Others
If by ‘interact’ you mean “dozens of lonely video game nerds circling the nearest female avatar and staring at digital cleavage” then you’re right on the money. I shit you not, if you don’t have any other people in your Friends list, pretend you’re a girl (make a female avatar), buy a short plaid skirt for $1.00 (real money), and dance for 3 minutes (having music to dance to is optional because for some reason it’s not nearly as stupid or creepy as in real life). By the time you can finish humming ‘The Bad Touch’ by The Bloodhound Gang, you’ll be in the center of a virtual bukaki circle attended by every nerd in a 50 foot radius, all of whom are striking stimulating conversations such as:
“Hey”
“Where u from?”
“U look good”
“ASL?” (Age, Sex, Location… scary that I actually know that…)
“i 8 inches”
“U want hard cox?”
(no text messaging because that would require the use of both hands)
And you wonder why these guys are on Home instead of on real dates…
To be fair, communicating with other people is simple. You either hit the triangle button and start punching in text with either the Dualshock 3 controller or (if you’re lucky) a USB keyboard, or you hold the L2 button and speak into a headset. I have yet to hear what I sound like on the other end of a conversation, but if it’s like the cat calls and cursing of everyone else in Home, then I probably sound like I’m giving oral sex to a live microphone.
Here is a pencil drawing I did of Heath Ledger’s ‘The Joker’ from The Dark Knight. I’m a huge Joker fan, and Heath Ledger’s final performance was one of the greatest portrayals of madness I’ve ever seen.
This was something I have wanted to attempt for a while. It’s been a while since I’ve attempted something so complex as this, so it was a good warmup to ‘get back into the groove’. It was a quickie, only about two hours on a plain sheet of paper and a No 2 lead pencil. Nothing really fancy at all like ‘artist pencils’ and stuff. The inspiration for this Joker drawing was pure boredom on a Saturday afternoon, then I downloaded a wallpaper of the Joker for my desktop PC and then started drawing.
The premise behind Crossed Videos is to take videos and music that are about as opposite as they can be, combine them, and have an end result that actually ‘works’ with the two together.
Our first example:
It doesn’t have to be a music video, you can take two movies, mesh them together, and make something funny/interesting.
And for further instructions, please refer to our (unofficial) motto:
“Go crazy!”
Why is this one of the few movies that I can watch three times in a row and never get tired of it?
Sure, the first time I watched it, I almost fell asleep. God, it was boring with all the slow shots, the classical music, and a great deal of ‘nothing’ happening. This movie is not friendly to those with ADHD
Then I got to the end and something ‘clicked’ so I had to watch it again.
The second time through I actually understood the concept a little better. Sure, the whole movie is about evolution, how man evolved with his tools, and how the tools evolved with man. Then there’s alien obelisk and vortexes in time and space.
The third time through is when I stared analyzing (possibly over-analyzing) the movie and this is what I found:
The oblisks represent a ‘challenge’ for the human race that is needed to be overcome if they are to evolve to the next stage:
The first act with the monkeys is man overcoming the earth and becoming the dominant species by using ‘tools’ (the bone) to hunt and kill.
The second act is humanity overcoming space. Notice in this act that people are like infants in space: learning how to walk in zero gravity, eating baby food, even learning how to crap in space. Man finally overcomes space with the aid of his tools and uncover the monolith on the moon.
The third act with the infamous HAL is man overcoming his tools. Man is finally able to walk and function normally in space (hence the running and eating easily), but man’s tools evolved faster than man himself. However, man overcomes his advanced tools (HAL) with the aide of a simple screwdriver.
The fourth act (or ‘odyssey’) is man’s final challenge: Death.
After the acid-trip, the main character is aging rapidly. However, there are some very philosophical clues to the context of this act. Prime example: when he knocks over the glass of wine, the glass breaks, but the wine still exists. Does this represent the death of the body and the continuation of the soul? Before the character dies he sees the black obelisk and points to it, almost yearning for it. He dies and becomes a ‘star child’ which I guess is ‘the soul’. Man triumphs over death.
… I don’t know, maybe I AM over analyzing the whole movie… but that’s what is so great about it.
2001 is like life or even the Bible: It’s vague, but everyone can find their own meaning within it. That’s why it’s a masterpiece.
The story is original (minus the cliche “hard-core marines killing demons to save the world” angle). The theme of going back through hellish-twists on time-periods within the city is pretty awesome in itself, and I like to monster designs, but the whole thing would honestly have been better executed with better voice-actors. Really, the voice acting made the whole game seem almost like a ‘B-movie’. The characters are a real pain in the ass to listen to, to be honest. They seriously got their ‘lines’ from bad action movies. The things they say would make Arnold Schwarzenegger’s ears bleed:
Minigun Carrying Mexican Dude possessed by Fire-Dragon spirit: “Hey Abby, what do you get when you cross a telekinetic lesbian with a brick wall?” *this is your cue to take control of the telekinetic lesbian sniper chick (no joke) and use your powers to knock down a wall in order to progress*
*you then knock down fore-said wall*
*you wait for Fire-Dragon Mexican Dude to deliver a punch line*
*no punch line*
(Do you sense how odd the Jericho team members are yet???)
Jericho SUFFERS in the Artificial Intelligence of all the other characters you are not playing as. You will often find yourself healing all of your party members as they get picked off by enemies because they don’t take cover for shit. It’s like they think they’re in a Rambo movie and they stand out in the open, guns blazing, daring the enemies to kill them. Shit, it might as well be a bad action movie when you pair their ‘invincibility complex’ and the bad one-liners. So, for the majority of the game, you’re spent resurrecting all your dead allies with the only other character who auto-heals: The pistol-slinging priest, whose name I don’t remember, nor care about.
GAME TIP: NEVER EVER PLAY AS THE PRIEST. HE CAN HEAL, AND YOU CAN HEAL. IF YOU PLAY AS HIM, ONLY 1 MEMBER (YOU) CAN HEAL CHARACTERS. IN 10 SECONDS, YOU… WILL… ALL… DIE!
As far as graphics and sound: Graphics were nothing as fantastic say Ratchet and Clank Future:ToD or Bioshock, but they are not ‘last-gen’, either. My experience is that the graphics are around ‘Half-Life 2′ quality, and this is more noticeable on an HDTV. One thing that makes Jericho actually stand out is the enemy designs. Not only are they absolutely horrible to look at, they are equally as facinating.
In case you’re one of the 3 people who actually realize I have a forum built into this site, you’ll notice that it’s completely empty, but that it has nearly 100 posts contained therein.
How is that possible?
A good college friend of mine and I are rabidly discussing a project that we want to get off the ground. No secret that it’s a video game concept. We’re tossing back and forth ideas and I’m doing concept art for the game.
So anyways, I just wanted to say that we have a secret club and you can’t join (unless you’re a video game programmer or 3d artist).
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