Saxophones Suck
A horrible dream I had last night.
In high school I belonged to the band. This by itself isn’t a horrible thing because most of the popular kids in my school were also in band, so the mentality of ‘band nerds’ doesn’t apply.
Except for me.
Anyways, I used to play the alto saxophone in band (badly) and it was an instrument that I couldn’t stand. My 5th grade allure of jazz saxophone melodies slowly melted into the reality that I sounded like a peacock with a broken neck. I have this reoccurring fantasy that I could go back in time and instead of playing the saxophone, I could play my instrument of choice: bass guitar. The bass I really like for the simple fact that you don’t have to BLOW anything, simply pluck the strings. The fingering is no better than a saxophone, but at least you have better control over a bass. Plus it sounds a fucking lot better.
So back to the nightmare:
My nightmare is the simple “be careful what you wish for”. I was in band class (for all of you who think that the following joke is still or has ever actually been funny: not to be confused with ‘band camp’) and I was back in my rotten band classroom, with my cursed alto saxophone laying on my lap with a strap around my neck like the goddamn shackles of a ball and chain.
Luckily, I brought my bass guitar to band class today! I pack away the rotten saxophone, put the strap of my bass over my shoulder and ask Mr. Mussetter (the band director) if I can switch instruments. Normally, he probably would have been THRILLED with the idea, but instead he gives me a cold look and says: “We don’t have bass guitar sheet music.”
My heart sinks, but when I look down at my bass, I’m horrified to see my holding the saxophone. I pack it away and pull out the bass again, hoping that strumming up a few bars of “Seemann by Rammstein”, “The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang”, or at the least “Every Plant We Reach Is Dead by Gorillaz”. But, I’m once again holding the saxophone.
I’m horrified when I see one of the popular underclassmen pick up a fucking ukulele, and start playing all the tunes I was trying to play. Everyone is complimenting him on his musical ability and I’m still holding the saxophone like a jackass. I keep trying to play the bass, but I’m always holding the saxophone and listening to one of the popular kids not only playing the songs, but getting my recognition.
Finally I wake up in a cold sweat.
Knock yourselves out, you wanna-be psychiatrists.
3 Responses to “Saxophones Suck”
mabey you dream means that its impossable to go back and change the past…?
I am searching for some information on Alto Saxaphones and I’ve just found your blog! An interesting read which I enjoyed and found to be of use. I will enjoying coming back to allow myself the opportunity to read more.
What do trumpet players use for birth control?Their personalities.
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