Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Review
Michael Bay brings the rain again, but it was better the first time.
by Jim Vejvoda

June 23, 2009 - Set two years after the events of the first film, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen finds Optimus Prime (voice of Peter Cullen) and his Autobots working alongside a multi-national, top secret military unit dubbed NEST -- which includes returning characters Captain Lennox (Josh Duhamel) and Master Sergeant Epps (Tyrese Gibson) -- to hunt down the remaining Decepticons hiding around the globe. There is a new administration in Washington – unlike the previous film, which implied that the president was George W. Bush, the new movie specifically refers to Barack Obama – that is at odds with the military about how to handle the alien robot dilemma, which remains a secret to the world at large. Intrusive National Security Advisor Theodore Galloway (John Benjamin Hickey) wants to disband NEST and have the Autobots leave the earth, much to the chagrin of the military and Optimus Prime.

Meanwhile, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is heading off to college. Sam and his girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox), who have yet to say they love each other, vow to continue their relationship long-distance. No sooner has Sam arrived at school -- where he meets his pushy roommate Leo (Ramon Rodriguez), a sultry co-ed named Alice (Isabel Lucas), and an obnoxious professor (Rainn Wilson) -- than he starts having visions of what he learns are symbols from an ancient robot language. After declining to help Optimus plead his case to the government about why the Autobots should stay, Sam finds himself hunted by a vicious new batch of Decepticons and on the run with Mikaela, Leo and former Sector 7 Agent Simmons (John Turturro) along as his only allies.

The Decepticons resurrect Megatron (once again voiced by Hugo Weaving), the top disciple of The Fallen (voiced by Candyman's Tony Todd), one of the original Primes and sort of the Lucifer of giant f***ing robots. The Fallen wants to destroy Earth's sun and feed off its energy. Obviously, the good guys don't want this to happen. In the ensuing conflict, one will fall, the human bodycount will number in the thousands, and the action heads to the pyramids of Egypt where both the heroes and villains seek an ancient secret from the Transformers' distant past on Earth.

One of the biggest complaints about the simply told first Transformers was that many of the battle scenes were damn near incomprehensible. Its sequel has the opposite problem: the battle scenes are comprehensible, but the story isn't. If plot isn't important in films of this type -- as its most ardent defenders will inevitably claim -- then why did director Michael Bay and screenwriters Ehren Kruger & Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman spend two and a half hours telling it? Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is more epic, bombastic and overwhelming than the 2007 original, but it's also charmless, dumber and cruder by comparison. Since the characters, human and otherwise, are seldom engaging, the film only works when things go boom.

As he was in the first film, LaBeouf is all manic energy from start to finish, but his wit and likability aren't enough to make you really care about Sam or what he must accomplish this time. Fox, whose beauty was so breathtaking the first time around, is overdone in every way here (from her now Jolie-esque lips to her porn star poses and skanky outfits). She seems bored throughout so we quickly become bored with Mikaela as a result. Likewise, Duhamel and Gibson are even more of a pair of ciphers than they were in the first film, their humorous banter now replaced by gruff, macho posturing. Turturro is less annoying than he was in the previous installment, with Simmons now an ally rather than an adversary, but he's still the campiest (human) character in the films. Kevin Dunn and Julie White once again steal the show as Sam's parents, although they have one comedic bit at Sam's campus that goes on for far too long. Rodriguez is initially endearing, but Leo quickly outstays his welcome (and purpose) much as the comic relief techie played by Anthony Anderson did in the previous film.

The lineup of new 'bots proves to be a mixed bag. Devastator is amazing to behold on an IMAX screen (indeed, that is the best way for one to watch this film). Wheelie, sort of the Danny DeVito/Joe Pesci of the Decepticons, starts off annoying but slowly grows on the viewer before his inexplicable disappearance during the third act. The inclusion of a Pretender Decepticon will likely prove confusing for the legions of viewers unfamiliar with Transformers lore; if Decepticons can now assume human form, why bother turning into vehicles anymore?

Arcee, the film's only female Autobot, is wasted; she barely speaks, has no function, and no personality. Jetfire has his moments, but his grumpy old man schtick (seriously, he uses a cane?!) gets tired fast. But all of these complaints are quibbles when compared to Mudflap and Skids, the Amos 'n' Andy of the Autobots and two of the most offensive characters in recent cinematic history. What were the filmmakers thinking? The "it's just a movie" defense doesn't fly on this one, folks; whereas George Lucas had wiggle room to defend himself with Jar Jar Binks, there is none here for Bay and company to fall back on. It's just too blatant to be deemed anything but obvious and in poor taste. Mudflap and Skids will pull anyone with a half a brain right out of the movie, and they taint the overall viewing experience and prove to be an embarrassment for all involved.

On a happier note, it was nice to see more of the cunning nature of that weasel Starscream this time around. His relationship with Megatron is more defined here than it was in the first film. The Fallen, however, leaves much to be desired. He's more interesting as a concept than as a character, and he lacks the menace and majesty expected from one of his stature. Indeed, you'd be hard-pressed to tell from this film what makes a Prime anymore special than any other Transformer except that you're told that they are. The biggest problem with all of the characters, human and robot alike, is that you simply don't care what happens to any of them so when one of the protagonists dies midway through the film, there's no tragedy or dramatic weight to it.

In order to compensate for these shortcomings and turn a two-star story into a three-star spectacle, Bay falls back on his abilities to bombard the viewers' senses and pack enough adrenaline-pumping action and eye candy into one movie to give fans the popcorn flick value of several. The action sequences in the sequel are superior to those in the first film; the fight between Optimus, Megatron and his cronies in the woods is a beauty (especially when seen in IMAX), even if its payoff lacks emotional punch. The climactic battle royale at the ancient Egyptian pyramids will give fanboys a 45 minute nerdgasm. The Shanghai sequence, featuring the highway-smashing Demolishor, is another must-see IMAX experience.

I didn't go into Transformers 2 expecting high art, serious drama or anything other than mindless, 'bot bashing fun. While I certainly got a strong dose of that, the film was undermined whenever characters, human or otherwise, opened their mouths. The first Transformers may not have been bigger, but it was certainly better.

especially the stupid goddamned parents and their fucking Chihuahua... a part of me died when i saw that in the first movie.

He must have done this right after watching it but, some of the movies he listed as "some of the worst movies of all time" should not be on the list.