Here's the snippit you have all been waiting for:
Devil May Cry 3 - Review
By LaughingManNow onto the 'Elephant in the Room':
DifficultyIn my Devil May Cry 1 review I made mention that the controls of the game were masochistic:
Quote:
The first two hours of playing this game with this controller layout was just PAIN... pure and unrelenting torture that made you think that the fucking control schema was some bastard child of Satan Himself. Devil May Cry my fucking ass, The Devil is crying because he's laughing so hard, bringing misery to the masses WHILE BEING PAID BY THE PEOPLE HE'S TORTURING. Does the word “sadomasocapitalism” even exist? If not, I am putting dibs on it, patenting it, and getting paid a quarter for every time someone buys a game that brings only misery and pain. Shit, I could retire off of the Angry Video Game Nerd.
Even worse is the infamously awkward 'Rail Shooter' segments at the end of the game. You finally get the hang of the hack-and-slash controls to the point where you can defeat the later bosses with relative ease, but then, like running into a bad ex-girlfriend by mistake, you are reminded of the painful memories of yore. The rail shooter involves Dante turning into his 'True Demon Form' and fighting Mundus in the skies. Not only does Mundus throw everything at you except for the kitchen sink, but up is down, and down is up on the control stick. You are FORCED to replay that segment over and over again until you familiarize yourself with the 'new' controller layout, AND IT BLOWS.
But you know what? That is NOTHING in comparison to the difficulty of Devil May Cry 3.
THIS GAME IS PAIN! PURE UNRELENTING PAIN THAT LAUGHS BACK AT YOU AS YOU SCREAM AT IT, BUT PISSES YOU BEYOND THE POINT OF SIMPLY QUITTING. NO, BEATING THIS GAME BECOMES A PERSONAL CRUSADE AND UPON COMPLETION MAKES YOU LEAP OUT OF YOUR COUCH AND, WITH THE VEINS IN YOUR HEAD ABOUT TO BURST, STAND HOLDING YOUR MIDDLE FINGER OUT INFRONT OF THE TELEVISION FOR THE WHOLE 3-MINUTES THAT THE CREDITS ROLL.
AND THEN, AS ITS FINAL INSULT, IT SHOWS YOU THE TIME YOU SPENT TORTURING YOURSELF AS THOUGH SAYING "THESE ARE HOURS IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK, AND YOU SPENT IT TORTURING YOURSELF AND TESTING THE BOUNDARIES OF YOUR SANITY. CON-FUCKING-GRATULATIONS YOU STUPID ASSHOLE AND THANKS FOR YOUR MONEY!"Phil Ken Sebben
"HA HA! Last Laugh!!!"
I don't know what the hell makes THIS game so much fucking harder than just about any other game I have ever played. I made mention that there is a 'cause and effect artificial intelligence' in this game, so enemies are more efficient at blocking, dodging and counter-attacking, BUT THIS IS INSANE! The only game that is harder than Devil May Cry 3 is FUCKING CHESSMASTER.
And it's not the enemies that are really the hardest things to overcome, it's the BOSSES that will rape you raw. Their attacks are brutal, their weakpoints vary, and there are times when the boss can't even be attacked! Prime example is Cerberus where you not only have to destroy all three heads, but every-so-often the heads develop a thick-coating of ice that you have to chip away at first! So that's the method: Hack away their defense, get in a few shots that shave a hair off of the boss's life gauge, the boss retaliates, and the boss's defense is back in full. Rinse, wash, and repeat. FUCKING SHIT!
Some bosses like the demon millipede make themselves available for attack every so often, so a quick battle is hardly ever provided. Even crazier is that the bosses seem to GET STRONGER when they get low on health. The tactics when fighting bosses like Quicksilver and Agni & Rudra change pretty dramatically when either get low on health, so if you spent all of your Yellow Orbs and countless continues mastering an enemy's pattern, you're still fucked.
You finally make it through a level with most of your health bar intact; it was hard work, but you didn't have to use a health star. You finally reach the boss. After countless hours figuring out the Boss's pattern and attacks, you think you have a shot. You are sitting there, sweating bullets, your fingers are numb, and you've only got a shred of life left. You look at the boss's health gauge and it's the lowest you have ever gotten it. A few more hits and you've kicked its ass and you'll never have to see this bastard again. You have their pattern memorized and only a little longer. Don't get hit, DON'T GET HIT...
Boss: "SURPRISE!! NEW ATTACK!"
*Hits you, you die, you start the level all over again*
You: "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!"
I primarily blame the continue system for the game's insane difficulty:
In the original version of the game, you needed to purchase Yellow Orbs to continue from a nearby checkpoint when you died (similar to Devil May Cry 1). The biggest fucking problem is that the little yellow bastards were expensive as hell, so if you ran out early on in the game, you were fucked. If you ran out of Yellow Orbs, that meant that every time you died, instant game over and you are you are FORCED to replay entire levels only to get beaten over and over again by tough boss monsters waiting for you at the end. Paired with the changing boss tactics, this method was complete bullshit. Hell, early on when yellow orbs were so damned expensive, you VOLUNTARILY chose to restart the level every time you died because you KNEW that there would be an even HARDER level that would require you to finally cash in your extra lives on.
The Special Edition's optional new continue system is far more lenient, since it lets you continue from a nearby checkpoint as often as you wish, and if you have a gold orb in your inventory, you can bring yourself back to life right where you died.
My only saving grace with Devil May Cry was that I was finally able to finish the damned game by purchasing the Special Edition. Isn't that a bitch? I spent $50 and hours of my life getting more pissed off on this game than I have ever been in my entire life, only to spend ANOTHER $30 and several more hours of torture, just for the sake of getting a sense of completion?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH ME?
MORE COMING VERY SOON
Devil May Cry: Animated Series Review
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