I totally blame myself for picking up this game. The name itself should have told me that there is no imagination to this game so much so that they can’t even think up a decent name. So to pay homage to the unimaginative name I will be making fun of it throughout the whole review. Now this game is a love child between Microsoft and Square/Enix but, due to the crap the Square/Enix have been putting out I'm going to give full credit for this infinite colorful piece of crap to them. Really if its not Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts, I have not seen a good game from Square/Enix lately. The last 3 Final Fantasy's have SUCKED (FF11 does not count) and I do not have high hopes for 13.

The graphics are decent just like any RPG should have. In fact they are outstanding. The cut scenes are great and judging from the first cut scene this game should be awesome! 3 people take on one guy and it seems like a pretty even fight. That’s about all you will enjoy out of the game since the story/characters/gameplay suck. What an infinite cock tease.

* cock tease pic here*

The story starts off with what looks like the hero of the story in jail. You know, the main guy that was holding his own against the bad guy? Yeah, well it's not, and whets worse is this guy is a wuss. So much so that you want to choke the ever loving crap out of this whiner. The start of this game will make you do a double check. He is in jail, the female that you saw in the cut scene comes out, kills the guards, frees you, AND YOU WANT TO STAY IN JAIL SO YOU DONT GET IN TROUBLE!!! For F*** sake stick a shiv in this guys heart and be done with him. Are you really going to take this guy along when all he can do is whine? Second off: if you were with the leader of the group (lord Sigmund) WHY THE F*** WOULD YOU THINK HE IS IN JAIL AND NEEDS TO BE SAVED!!! The stupid bitch (Aya) gets the whiner (Capell) to actually arm himself and they fight their way out of jail (more like run for their lives).

*ui saved*
Enter: the Dumb Bitch

You do have some interesting encounters or missions. After you escape from jail you now are on the run and you either have to hide from the guards or get the first shot on them when you jump them. Combat is difficult. If you don’t have your weapons out and get jumped, your characters (yes all of them) will keep them sheathed instead of protecting themselves. Not only that but, any other buttons but the draw weapons button will do nothing. The button placement doesn’t feel right but there really isn’t any other button assignment that feels right. So you have to get use to it. Whets worse is that you don’t get to loose Capell at any time so when you get hit, you get to hear him whine. The voice haunts my nightmares and I often dream about throat punching the little cock sucker that plays this guys voice. You are finally saved by the Liberator (Lord Sigmund) and the rest of his band: Eugene (Healer/Priest/Mage/know-it-all), Balbagan (Dumb strong guy), and Edward (resident bad ass and prick). You also meet Genma (the Ninja) who seems like the best player of the game but, he is just a cock tease as well since you NEVER get to play him. All of these guys that you meet are manlier and more talented than the whiner and you are pissed that you can't get rid of this guy.


(About as bad ass as you will ever look)

The stupid bitch got poisoned while saving the whiner and the only village that can save her is not on the way to the next mission. So the whiner gets to carry the stupid bitch to the town. Not only does he have to carry her but he has no guards so you have to be fast so you don’t die on the way to the town. The good thing is you get to hear him whine the entire time when he gets hit. You finally make it to town and all the healers are gone. I would say that the village found its idiot when he walked in but, he's not from there so there is probably another idiot running around somewhere. So the whiner gets put on another mission but, this time you get to be partnered up with a set of twins.

*hot damn* YES!

Before you get too excited, its unidentical twins (boy and girl) and they are 10.

*twins* F***!!!

So far in this game, you are playing a whiner, have to put up with a stupid bitch, and now you are a BABY SITTER?!? I really don’t know what possessed me to continue playing.

Nevermind, yes, I was that bored.

So you set out with these kids that keep trying to enthuse you to do the right thing and fight for whets right. They do seem smarter than what they should but, not totally unbelievable. I can see how they will be annoying and I pray that these kids won’t stay so I don’t have to play them. So you go on this mission and hope that you can save the stupid bitch. It turns out that you do get the item that saves Aya but, the kids dad was killed so they decide that they are going to come help you (probably cause the little girl knows she can hit harder than Capell). So this is quickly turning into Final Fantasy 2 (4 in Japan) all except FF2 the twins kick ass and here you want to kick the twins asses.

You catch up with Lord Sigmund and continue on the fight of freeing the moon from its chains. After seeing how a real hero would act and seeing what real men could do you are still upset that you are stuck with the whiner as your main character. After freeing this town you set out for another friendly town and there run into another bimbo that mistakes you for the Liberator. This scantly clad woman likes to squeeze her breast together when she runs so that her breasts don’t hit her in the face. Of course she jumps Capell (more like attacks) right in front of Aya and Aya starts getting pissed at Capell who seems to be enjoying it. It is obvious that Aya is found of Capell but, she starts becoming more of a mother figure to him than anything since she is almost always yelling at him or beating on him. The whiner finally gets the bimbo straight and they decide that they will be brother and sister since her heart is really with Sigmund anyways.

The story pretty much goes the same way for the entire first disk. You go save a town, they are grateful, and the whiner gets some chick to mistake him for the Liberator. He finally saves a girl (Faina) her brother (Leif) and she is so grateful that she is willing to do anything for him. Of course he is thinking with his other head and gets hung up on the "anything" while Aya beats him over the head so that they can continue on whatever mission Capell doesn’t want to go on. Each town you go to seems to have someone new to add to the team weather you can play them or not. Yeah, they introduce this concept called "secondary characters". Which is another term for "you have to gear them, they are awesome, and you can’t play them". What an infinite let down.

*iu group*

To save a town/city you must free the chain that is binding the moon to the planet. Apparently the only person able to do that is Sigmund, until you come along. So you go from a whiner to a not-so-useless whiner. So now to make the missions go by quicker you are instructed to take out the chains while Sigmund keeps the big boss man/lady busy.

At this time I am starting to like the game since the Main character is not the biggest baddest dude there is and he is not always getting the women but enough so that there is always a story with him. Aya turns out to be a princess of one of the towns you save which is no surprise and Sigmund turns out to be king of a land. So after I am finally getting to like this type of set up, the writers decide to off Sigmund (F***!!!). So instead of Edward becoming leader the group decides that Capell will lead so he can keep the support for the cause alive and gain new members. Edward starts becoming hostile towards Capell and often tells him to get out of his face. This also causes Balbagan to leave since he was close to Sigmund and not Capell (although he does come back later). But, don’t worry, you will get more useless characters or secondary characters in the second disk before you get Balbagan back.

At this time I should explain that there are lunaglyphs to almost each person. These help empower the person with certain aspects and they are considered the normal people on the planet. Everyone should have one and those without are called the "Unblessed". There are even some people that have two lunaglyphs which are rare to find and are usually more powerful than others. Capell is an unblessed. So are Faina and Leif.

At the start of the Second disk we find out a new type of enemy we might have to face: The Vermiform. The Vermiform are people with glyphs that absorb too much luna energy and are transformed. Once they become fully transformed they disappear to all but the whiner. The whiner can then use his flute (that’s right, he’s a bard) to make them appear to the party so they can beat on it. The world at one point was fooled by lunar rain and it turns out that if people stay out in the
lunar rain too long they will become vermaformed. The party now has to hurry and tell everyone about the rain before it’s too late. You now have to keep a close eye on your party since if you run out in the lunar rain for too long they will turn on your party and slay you. So now with the possibility of everyone turning into a Vermaform the only people that will be unable to protect themselves are the group of unblessed that you saved earlier in the game. You ask a country to help take care of them but, they insist that since they are unblessed they don’t get squat. Capell starts to freak out and takes the team on a mad dash to go save his girl and the town.

*Freak out* thats about how he sounds too.

They reach the town right when the vermaform are attacking and they start slaying any Vermaform they can find. He finally finds Faina and Leif right before they are slain. Of course the last Vermaform living was the one that killed Faina so Capell makes short work of it and commences beating on the corpse that no one else can see. Aya finally pulls him off for Faina to die in his arms. The whiner starts turning into a man at this point but is so clueless that he starts to hate everyone with a glyph (So he hates the people that saved him countless times? what other part of the story can these people screw up?) After this you continue on your journey to free the moon.

You of course pick up more people and in some cases even more useless and annoying than Capell. You are joined up with this little annoying kid called Vic. He is a young teenager with a body like a girl. The little thief turns out to actually be a girl (so now they have Tidus from FFX in here too!) but you still keep her around.

I think by now I have freed 7/8 chains and I was close to the end of the game but then I started playing Last Remnant and only ended up getting 3/4 through the game. I was grinding levels mostly and finally got all the characters that were in the game including a Ninja and her boyfriend. Turns out that these last two were Sigmund’s old playmates, and know that Capell is just acting as Sigmund to help support the cause. You also come to find out that Sigmund (you know the guy that looks like your identical twin) is your father. What the F*** comes to mind.

The F*** sticks that came up with this game did a poor job of putting it together. Its colorful, graphics are good, music is great but it’s an Infinite cow-pie. The lines in the cut scene are just horrible and the whiner often sounds like he is getting poked in the ass with a stick when he is surprised (SUPRISE!!! BUTTSECS!!!). Usually people will speak when their mouth are not moving or they will just do the head bob and grunt to agree with someone.

Graphics: Beautiful scenery, even when you are playing the game. They really did a remarkable job of detail in the game. 9.5 And this is my highest score to give out so far.

Sound: The music is good and not annoying for the fights. In fact if the battle last long enough the music changes so you are not stuck hearing the same music over and over. It gets a 9.

Gameplay: What a F***ing let down. No automatic battles, the buttons don't feel right, for the most part you use 2 buttons the entire time unless the healer is not healing fast enough. There is no easy way to regenerate health or mana and you usually have to go to a town to get your stats back up. The discovery of this leads to a score of a 3.

Story: Only parts of this story were unpredictable. Most everything was, including the parts where you KNEW you were going to get screwed. You know, like getting useless characters to be on your team or Aya being a princess. Once again it gets a score of a 3.

Replay value: huh? This game was terrible to play once, let someone else try this on a cheaper buck since it is not worth full value. If you have it and have not played it yet, take it back. If you have, go ahead and take it to GameStop. Believe me the $5 they give you for the game, you are getting the deal. It gets a 0.5.

Not as bad as Last Remnant but still bad enough not to get this game or get it in the bargain bin.

This was an Infinite disapointment. Final score of 3.5

Graphics: 9.5
Sound: 9
Gameplay: 3
Story: 3
Replay: 0.5

Overall: 3.5

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Nice review zimes!

Congratulations, Zimes. You've completely out-shined my Dead Space review with your double-header hahaha.

And I'm talking about the Google Analytics stats:

So far this last 2 days has netted you a combined total of 60 UNIQUE views*.

*Unique views - if you open the web page 10 times in 1 day, it only counts as 1 view. the only accurate way to track traffic.

thanks all. Hopefully I will be able to wrap these reviews up soon

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Devil May Cry 4 LaughingMan Transformers: War for Cybertron Zimes TMNT: Turtles Forever RITOS Enchanted Arms LaughingMan, Zimes Demonbane Kenny Farino, LaughingMan, ONOE

1 of 4 games: Boom Blox for the Wii, Raving Rabbids for the Wii, Mark of the Kri for the PS2, or Marvel Ultimate Aliance for the 360.

My vote is for Ultimate Alliance. Maybe we can rake in some comic nerds with a review like that?

I like SQUENIX stuff a lot and that is why i have a 360 over a PS3 but the quality of their new role-playing games is abysmal.
Check out Tales of Vesperia if you want a great role-playing game.

Infinite continuation. . .

before I go on to complete this review I must set the stage for all cut scenes. first off you will like what you see but, what you see will completly be irrelavent since your feelings will scream at your subconsious to HURRY THE F*** UP THOUGH THE STUPPIDITY!!! Does anyone remember the feeling they get when they say something incredably stupid or see something as stupid? capture that feeling and replay it every time you see a cut scene and you will be set to read the rest of this.

It has been almost 3 months since I put down the game and wrote the review so I was pretty close when I said I had 1 more chain to cut. I actually had 2, and about 4 hours of gameplay to finish it up. I was busy in one section of the game where I could have taken the entire team and finished the game instead of trying to boost everyones level. I think when I finished the game Capell was level 72. most people finish it around level 50.

The last two levels are more of the same thing that you have seen over and over. the second to last chain is gaurded by the evil dude's girlfriend and of course she dies for love (*shudder*) since she thought he really loved her. the last chain is guarded by the main evil character (Leonid)who thinks he has the power of a god and gets beat the hell down. not just man that was close but, seriosly, that was the last boss? Again, Capell gets stupid and instead of taking off this guys head when he has a chance, he escapes claiming that he did this to be close to the person (yeah, he is talking about his god / master) he loves (*shudder*). can they PLEASE think of something original? Every single cut scene you are looking for the button to fast forward since it gets more and more stupid every time the characters start talking (notice, I didn't say open thier mouths since half the time the mouth would stop moving mid sentence).

*iu bad girl*
You go to cut the chain and you find out something very interesting. . . its not attached here, its attached at the moon. now, I dont know about you guys but, every time I look at a chain that is not attached to itself, I notice TWO ends. (que the stupid feeling if you have not already) HOW THE F*** does it not have an END HERE?!? The Aristo's make a special spell enableing you to walk up the chain to the moon. how you survive the thin air is beyond me but hey its all make belive anyways.

now, before you go onto the main event I have had a few cut scenes before hand. none of which were enjoyable and all making me want to hit the fast forward button. a couple of things I do want to point out is that Capell is crazy. not just mislead, he is crazy. he thinks that if he got rid of everyone with a lunaglyph the world would be better. so not only is he now being racist (to a point) he is going for hitler style: kill-everyone-not-like-me. If I was any of his crew I would have a knife in his heart after the last chain was cut. He also complains about this to Edward (who should be leading anyways) and Aya. Both have Lunaglyphs. back to the story:

*IU Cappelle* this is probably a skin flute.

So you hike up the chain to the boss which they should have kept a cut scene since all you do is open doors until you reach the main guy again. Here is where it gets scary. The god that saved the Leonid offers you the power to reshape the world how you see fit. all you have to do is grab his sword that is within reaching distance to Capell. All I could think was F*** that! I will live with whatever this crazy person has in store for us before I let Capell gain that power! I would have my sword at his throught prepared to cut his ass if he grabed it. Maybe a bow drawn at his head, a dagger pointed at his heart in the soft spot of his armor, something. Fortunately for the world he doesnt grab it and you commence beating the shit out of Leonid again.

Now we get to fight the Crimson God Veros. he looks like a fairy and he sits in a chair for the entire fight. all you do is destroy whatever things are around him and he falls. not a hard fight at all. whats even more annoying is that out of your crew of 15, only 4 of you are fighting. but, its not like you need the help. The crew prepares to depart and Capell stays back to break the chain.

Aya is having no part of this and starts thowing a fit where Capell actually slaps her (which I did not like at all) for her to calm down. Edward picks her up and they all start to leave. Well at least Capell dies when he cuts the chain so the game can't be all that bad right? Now, if it took a while to walk up the chain don't you suppose that it will take a while to walk back down? me too. The dumbass cuts the chain right after they walk out the door. What a cock sucker! if they stayed with him they would not have died. you could have just waited for a couple of hours to make sure they were off? Aparantly the Arito's have a teleport spell that they use to get back to the planet. again stupidity work where they could have waited for Capell and teleported him as well. At least at the end they show what eveyone does now that they can not have magic in thier lives. unfortunatly at the end you find out that Capell did survive. not the ending I was hopping for.

the game actually lets you back into one of you save points before you walk up the chain so you can wonder the world some more but, it is just not worth it. I turned off the game and I hope to get some money back when I go trade it in.

The score still stands. while graphics and music are nice it does NOT make up for HORIBLE story line, worse screen play, stupid cut scence, and an Infinite disreguard for decent gameplay. In fact I feel like bringing it down a point just for suffering through that crap.

for those that like it, I realize every game is not for everybody but, be honest with yourself: was it worth the $40 you blew on it? if your answer was yes, I have an awsome game I want to sell you! To me I have a good idea on what I will not be blowing my money on anytime soon.