Valkyria Chronicles - Review - Playstation 3

When Imperial forces attack the small border town of Bruhl, Welkin Gunther, son of late General Belgen Gunther, is forced to fight for his life alongside Town Watch captain Alicia Melchiott. Along with Welkin's adopted sister Isara, the three escape to Gallia's capitol and subsequently join the country's Militia. As members of the newly-formed Squad 7 they must work to repel the invading Imperial forces and discover the true purpose of the invasion itself.



I've always wondered what a less political, child-friendly, PG-rated, animated version of Nazi atrocities during the Second World War would look like... Well, not really. The concept is just as offensive as having a cartoon mouse mascot holding a sign outside of a train station that reads "Welcome to Auschwitz."

Anyways, the backdrop to the game is that it’s 1935 in a land called ‘Europa’, and the countries of the Atlantic Alliance (blue guys) are being invaded by the Empire to the East (red guys). Thus, the Second Europan War begins (EWII).

Are you starting to see any ‘similarities’ yet? How about this:

Darcsens, a race of people that are oppressed and despised in Europa, are held in Imperial work camps where they are forced to work in the dangerous mines and factories under brutal conditions.

If this doesn't sound like a child-friendly anime of Schindler's List, then you need to open up a fucking history book.

The main story revolves around a couple of ill-fated lovers named Welkin Gunther and Alicia Melchiott. Both are drafted members of Squad 7, a militia in the Dutch-like country of Gallian. While Gunther’s father was a General in EWI (Europan War 1), his orphaned son, Welkin, is (shamefully) the stereo-typical Japanese hero: A pacifist who, both out of love for his friends and loyalty to his homeland, commandeers a machine to fight an evil empire. (Another reason I hate anime…)

On his way home during an evacuation of his Dutch-style village (windmills and all), Welkin stops by a stream and begins to talk to the fish as he draws them swimming upstream, but is captured by one of he head members of the town militia, Alicia Melchiott. (Alicia is also a baker… as in bread and cakes… and that comes into play later in the game as she tries (awkwardly) to get to Welkin's heart through his stomach.) Alicia captures Welkin, assuming that by him being an unfamiliar face, he is an Imperial Spy. However, to Welkin’s dumb luck, he is set free after his sister, Isara, the well-known and well-respected adopted daughter of General Gunther, vouches for her brother.

The town is shortly invaded and it is up to Welkins and Alicia to mount a resistance long enough for the townspeople to escape. After a few battles, Isara informs Welkins that she has a tank (A FUCKING ‘TANK’?) in her barn (?!?!). Isara drives the tank with Welkins giving the orders, and with the help of the Town Watch led by Alicia, they hold off the invasion long enough for people to evacuate and for Welkins and Isara’s nanny to GIVE BIRTH INSIDE THE TANK.


"Look at what we found in the barn! It was behind a pig!"

Shortly after your confrontation, all three members are drafted into the Gallian militia, all under the leadership of Lieutenant Welkin Gunthar. There you meet two hardasses: Rosie, the ex- bar ‘singer’ and current machine-gunner; and Largo, Tank Lancer (tank blower-upper), ex-farmer, EWI veteran and vegetable fanatic. Neither of them like you at first, as both are seasoned veterans who view you as a glory-hound. However, after a few wins, you’ll gain their trust.

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LOL!!! THE MICKEY MOUSE AT ACHWITZ THING GAVE ME A GOOD LAUGH
THIS REVIEW WASNT AS FUNNY AS HOME
YOU NEED TO REVIEW MORE BAD GAMES SO YOU CAN GO OFF LIKE YOU DID ONE HOME FOR PS3

kind of sounds like a grown up version of this game:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advance_Wars
I really liked this game, it was tons of fun.

dont worry about raves comming up. I hate spending $50 on a peice of shit game and both infinite undiscovery and Last remnant fall in that category.

Yeah, it's hard to be too sarcastic about a GOOD game. Sure, some things piss a guy off, but overall I give credit where credit is due.

Any suggestions for a bad PS3 game? (no, not Lair... something else)

zimes, I wanna see you blow up your copy of Last Remnant. Tie it to one of those small Coleman lantern propane tanks, set the game on fire, then snipe a round through the game and into the propane bottle, blowing The Last Remnant back to hell where it came from

Lair was so terrible that I was not even able to play it for 10 minuets. (its the one with the dragons right?) I feel for any one that had to play that entire thing.

oh, dont worry. no one will be able to play my copy of Last Remnant when I am done with it. I will make an instucional video on how to properly squeeze the trigger, weapon safety, scope alignment, handling, and breathing control when I blow the shit out of that game. it is not worth the $5 I might get back for the game to trade it for anything else.

all I need is a video camera, and any spare rounds that people might have. there are not enough bullets in the world to make sure this thing is destroyed.

I heard that same thing a while back, come to think of it. Never played it, but I do have it in my ROM/Emulation collection

Lair (or as I lovingly call it, 'Liar') is one of those games that you either like it or you hate it. Me, I'm one of those people who are too indecisive to like or hate it. It's like I'm not only walking the fence with Lair, but I've slipped, racked myself, and wincing with pain and agony slowly leaning towards the side of 'hating it'.

The controls take a lot of getting used to. The controls are (intentionally?) delayed so you feel like you're trying to steer a speeding car with the brakes out and the power steering off.

To make matters worse, they released a patch that let you use the analog stick to steer the dragon, but that actually made the controls EVEN WORSE. They should have just created a game like "Panzer Dragoon" for the Sega Saturn. A simple game that played a lot like Star Fox for the Super Nintendo and Nintendo 64.

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Valkyrie Chronicles isn't bad so far. I rented it last weekend from GAMEFLY and it starts out pretty good. My gripe is the amount of cut scenes you have to flip through and some really bad preachy speeches thrown in. Theirs like 5 cutscene 'acts' before you actually get to do a battle and that gets tiring. The battle system is actually pretty sweet. Like you said 'its like chess with guns'. I like anime more than you do [that I HATE ANIME RANT you wrote in the forum] so I'm enjoying the storyline. I still havent found that flying pig your talking about but I'm only on the third chapter right now.

Alright, I've gotten to Hans. now I get the 'when pigs fly' jokes. fucking annoying cartoon pig.
The rest of the game is still good. awesome battle against the Emperor's tank but then that blue she-bitch comes out and kills me with her magic sword.

If you like Valkyria Chronicles, then check out the anime they made. Maybe even you will like that one

I actually did DL the first 3 episodes to see how it was. It doesn't follow the story line for crap and doesn't make sense.

Example:
In the game, Welkin gets captured by Alicia at the beginning because she thinks he's a spy, but his stepsister, a girl who has lived in the town for XX years and is well known, vouches for him and he's set free.

In the anime, Welkin gets captured, and his 12-16 year old step sister can't vouch for him because, in a town of 100 people and being the step daughter of the most popular man on the CONTINENT, she is completely unknown to the townsfolk because she has apparently never stepped outside her house and met anyone. MAKES. NO. SENSE.

They also bloated it with a lot of the stereotypical anime humor.

Example:
The main female lead, Alicia, walks into a room and finds one of the guys with his shirt off. She gets embarrassed (complete with the red streak across her face that looks like her head was vandalized by a kid with a can of red spray-paint) and, logically, SHE slaps HIM for her being embarrassed.

I'll just play the game again...