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By ONOE
Like the hit Xbox Arcade game, Braid, Limbo also focuses more on the journey than the final outcome. It is the experience and connection between the gamer and the boy depicted on the screen that is its greatest asset rather than a finite ending. A gamer can find personal meaning and ponder life and death in Limbo but may not find concrete answers. Limbo is short, spanning only 5-6 hours in length but once you begin playing you will be immersed from beginning to end.
Date Published: 2010-09-01
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By Zimes
Borderlands is a Mad Max: The Road Warrior styled game about a group of bounty hunters that are hunting for the elusive Vault on the planet of Pandora. The vault is a local legend that supposedly holds advanced alien technology. So of course if you find the vault, you will become rich, powerful, and famous. In Borderlands, you get to play one of the 4 characters that are searching for this Vault. Along the way you end up meeting and helping new people, upgrading your fighting style and weapons, and killing bad guys.
Date Published: 2010-08-27
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By LaughingMan
Ms. 45 is an 1981 low-budget exploitation film that takes some obvious cues from the Charles Bronson classic revenge film, Death Wish. However, the main difference between Death Wish and Ms. 45 is the overall theme where instead of a wronged man killing the criminal scum in cold blood, it's a wronged woman killing... well, just men in general. I am tempted to say that she kills sleazeballs and cleans up the streets but... no.
Date Published: 2010-08-17
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By RITOS
You would think that what would ensue would be a complete buttfucking of the Purple Dragons with a whole can of Turtle Power but something is really fucking wrong. The 1980's cartoon Ninja Turtles are making dumb jokes, and Raphael is always breaking the 4th wall by making wisecracks to the camera. And what the fuck is this? The new turtles are the only ones that are ever 'fighting' enemies while the classic ones are downgraded to THROWING GARBAGE CANS?
Date Published: 2010-08-11
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By ONOE
Harakiri falls into the realm of drama and Shakespearean Tragedy than most conventional samurai movies, which can be a turn off to some. But because of its effectiveness, I endorse this movie as a great piece of Japanese cinema and I believe that if you can enjoy the great films by Akira Kurosawa, then Masaki Kobayashi's "Harakiri" will not disappoint.
Date Published: 2010-08-04
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By LaughingMan
Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse: Episode 3: They Stole Max's Brain starts out as a breath of fresh air for those who played through The Penal Zone and The Tomb of Sammun-Mak and got bored with the two episodes' similar gameplay. Episode 3 takes a unique twist to the point and click adventure game through Sam's new ability to interrogate suspects in order to gain clues on the whereabouts of the thief who stole Max's brain. This means that Sam is going to smack some bitches up.
Date Published: 2010-07-31
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By Chuckysin
M. Night made a few mistakes: He tried to make The Last Airbender his own and failed. He tried to stay close to the source material but drifted off way too much. He spent a lot of time in explanations and telling things without saying anything at all, which is classic Shamalamadingdong so it was expected. I would have liked to see him spend a bit more time on the film, add an additional 30 minutes so it didn't feel so rushed and to actually create the characters.
Date Published: 2010-07-14
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By Zimes
This game is an underrated gem. With the past crappy Transformer games still lingering in everyone's mind this game will probably be overlooked by a lot of gamers not interested in being disappointed. As a Transformers nerd I urge you to look past those games and pick this up. You will be pleasantly surprised.
Date Published: 2010-07-10
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By LaughingMan
Sure, there are parts of the game that are frustrating enough to make you want to tear your Playstation 3 or PC from the wall and cunt-punt it down a flight of stairs while masturbating, but it's not because the gameplay is broken, it's because I'm too fucking stupid to figure the shit out until after 3 hours of wandering around and clicking on every fucking object in the game.
The point of these Sam and Max reviews is to PROMOTE these under-rated titles because THEY ARE GOOD GAMES and are deserving of praise.
Date Published: 2010-07-02
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By Kenny Farino
Renegade Kid took extreme care to fix or improve many aspects that made Dementium: The Ward a good game. The same fluid touch screen-oriented controls are left intact, but they added a very easy-to-use jump and duck mechanic that has proven to make the game more expansive in its design and settings. They also added a wider variety of monsters and weapons, added an inventory that not only lets you easily access your weapons but also allows you to store pills for when you're in a pinch (as opposed to consuming health on the spot like in the last game), and SAVE POINTS.
Date Published: 2010-06-24
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By Zimes
Ladies and Gentlemen I give you a first impression review on the shortest time I have ever given a game. EVER: Splinter Cell: Conviction.
I blame the lack of proper rating solely on the ESRB and thereby apologizing to Tom Clancy in advance for not being able to review this game with some honest time invested. But, if this was properly ranked, it would have never made it into my house. This game came highly recommended by some of my friends with how you could do certain things in the game. It is a first person adventure which means I get to do some FPS action.
Date Published: 2010-06-19
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By LaughingMan
I'm not happy...
HOW FUCKING ANNOYING CAN THE FUCKING CHARACTERS POSSIBLY GET???
Initially you have Big Red McDumbass WHO IS SO STUPID THAT HE HAS TO BE TOLD HOW TO CLIMB A LADDER, you have Homo Erectus the biggest gayboy stereotype of all time, and Toya, Homo Erectus's in-the-closet love interest that gets fed "the pinkest of pickles" (THEY ACTUALLY USE THAT EXACT PHRASE!)
And then after, you meet up with Yuki, who looks like a drunken midget who just came back from a Texas football game and is sporting her big foam hat and her Indian Casino gift shop 'BLING'. Shit, if I concentrate really hard, her necklace of golden bullets can begin to look like the "Shotgun-Shell Collar" from the movie 'SAW 3'. If I concentrate even harder, I can go to my happy place where I can see the bullets explode over and over again...
Date Published: 2010-06-15
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By Zimes
Do I need to continue embarrassing you, Gabe, for sticking up for this piece of shit or do you get the point?
So far there is nothing in this game that would make up for the lack of character development, crappy story line, standard graphics, and really shitty music. Are you OK playing with sub-par games Gabe? Cause one f**king thing is for f**king certain: I for sure am sick of this type of shit being put on to us! For any RGP out there you must have at least one of the 4 following criteria at excellent or above to slate my wrath: Graphics, Story, Game play, or Music. If you don't have any at that level, DON'T BOTHER MAKING THE F**KING GAME!
Date Published: 2010-06-15
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By Kenny Farino
While we don't have a deep, complex, Silent Hill-esque story, here's the gist:
You awaken to find yourself in a bed insane a dark, cold, bloody insane asylum, festering with monsters. Upon seeing a large monster drag a hapless woman down the hall, you decide to take pursuit. However, the deeper you go into the asylum to escape, the more horrifying things you encounter as you dig deeper into the truth behind your prison, the woman, and a mysterious young girl who eludes you at every turn.
Date Published: 2010-06-02
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By LaughingMan
For the price of under 7 dollars, Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse: Episode 1: The Penal Zone is worth the price of admission. But the experience is a short-lived one, and the traditional gameplay of the series is extremely limited to following a very linear series of events. Your first-time-out in the world of Sam and Max can be a hilarious experience, but it can also be very frustrating trying to understand the 'logic' of The Devil's Playhouse: Episode 1: The Penal Zone and in determining which items to use when, where and with whom. The inane humor and the witticism of character interactions is an experience that should not be missed. All in all, you have to be crazy to play Sam & Max: The Devil’s Playhouse: The Penal Zone. You have to be even crazier to miss out on it.
Date Published: 2010-05-19
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By Dave
Nier tries to do everything that has made games of different genres great, but instead falls flat for not going above and beyond in any one area. Gamers who enjoy roaming an open world and killing animals and bad guys will enjoy Nier but if you are expecting a great action RPG then you will need to look elsewhere. Nier does have one great strength and that is its more adult orientated themes. For gamers who are getting tired of tame and sugary-sweet RPGs where good always triumphs over evil and everyone lives happily ever after, then Nier is the counterweight. Nier is dark and depressing yet sweet in a bitter kind of way.
Date Published: 2010-05-14
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By RITOS
The new Nightmare movie takes the logical approach by starting fresh with the first film and without the laughable mythology elements of being the mentally abused son of a woman who was raped by 1000 maniacs, living a normal life until killing his wife and mentally scarring his daughter, being burned alive but becoming a dream demon thanks to three dream tadpole spirits that come with their own 3D glasses, which in the end is nothing but a story within a story of the real life actors and Wes Craven. So yeah, they start with the first of the only three Nightmare movies that make any fucking sense. But hey it is better than fighting psychics, being resurrected by lightning, hopping a cruise ship to Manhattan, and fighting androids with rubber detachable nipples in space. I'm looking at YOU Jason Vorhees.
Date Published: 2010-05-08
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By Kenny Farino
Where does that leave Plastic Beach? In truth, my first impressions on the Plastic Beach album had me absolutely fucking hating it, but the feeling I have now shines of mild disappointment. When you review an entire album you need to listen to it more than once to let it try and grow on you. Only after repeated listenings did I see it appropriate to review Plastic Beach because it's a grower; the first time won't hook you, but it needs repeated listens. This review is going to be a track-by-track review so we can dig deeper into the Plastic Beach album itself, and find out what went wrong.
Date Published: 2010-04-25
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By ONOE
Dante's Inferno: An Animated Epic is the loose adaptation of the Dante's Inferno video game that is loosely adapted from the classic poem by Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy. Dante's Inferno: An Animated Epic is a conglomeration of the animation teams behind the hit animes Ghost in the Shell, Ergo Proxy, Blood the Last Vampire and Samurai Champloo.
This is not the first venture into anime by the video game publisher EA (Electronic Arts) as their previous hit game, Dead Space, was also given the animation treatment as a prequel story to the plot of the Dante's Inferno video game.
Date Published: 2010-04-19
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By LaughingMan
I start installing Heavy Rain (requires 4GB of HDD space) when they tell you that included with Heavy Rain is a piece of highly decorated paper you can fold your own origami bird with. So as I'm installing Heavy Rain and the game's patch, I'm folding this origami bird. Even after the installation is done, I'm still folding the origami bird (incorrectly, obviously).
Anyways, so about 5 minutes after Heavy Rain is installed and waiting for my paper-folding ass, I finally hit start, configure the game, and get rolling. The first action is to get the father character, Ethan, out of bed. I stall a little bit to see what happens, but nothing, so I slowly raise my character out of bed.
And Heavy Rain crashes.
So, to retrospect my first half-hour of playing Heavy Rain:
"I spent more time folding a fucking paper bird than playing the damned game."
Date Published: 2010-03-30
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By Zimes
Seriously, just like in Star Wars: The Force Unleashed when you are getting owned in a fight you will come up a button sequence. When this happens you have different time periods to press the button. 1) Normal time: For those that have slow reflexes are not going to get this that much but, it is obtainable although it does not happen enough. 2) Pick your ass, get a drink, drop the kids off at the pool, read a book, order a pizza, and then press the damn button. Or 3) F*** you, you blinked. You get to watch PoPs get owned. Now since you don't die, you get to watch Elika save your ass but, the cost is that the enemy gets his health back. So all that work you did before hand, like the 14 point combo you just unleashed on his ass, gets healed. To top off your freshly raped ass, the bosses then start talking shit to you.
Date Published: 2010-03-13
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By Chuckysin
You have three essential characters to this film, first and foremost is Percy Jackson, son of the god Poseidon. Second is the romantic interest, Annabeth, the daughter of Athena, and Grover the protector who just happens to be half donkey, oh excuse me goat, he is a satyr. Now my problem isn’t with the acting I honestly think the kids that did the acting did a fair job, my issue was with the character development, or lack of character development. They rushed so much to get to the special effects and the fights that they left out the key points of why are the characters the way they are, why you should relate to them or cheer them on. You simply just watch the film, watch the actors do their bit and really have no shred of caring for the character. Percy in the books is actually a very in depth kid, and you can relate to him even as an adult because you most likely felt many of the things that he feels, therefore, you establish a soft of pseudo bond with him. The movie just rushes past that. Leaving you feeling a little confused and empty.
Date Published: 2010-03-06
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By Kenny Farino
After the game's release two weeks ago from today, there has been a wave of outrage or butthurt (depending on who you are) flooding from every game review website, labeling it as a God of War clone. Fanboys of the Playstation 3 series agree, but fanboys don't have opinions, or can't utter them with Kratos's ballsack dangling in their throats. I played Dante's Inferno the whole way through before seeing this massive wave of pissed off fanboys or bribed reviewers (*cough* Gamespot), and I was flabbergasted. When I went from start to finish, I thought I played the holy grail of action games, and I didn't see anything wrong with it that was deserving of, according to 1Up.com, a C+, or, according to Sage of TGWTG.com, an unsatisfying experience that needs to be passed by. Despite the wave of negative reviews, I want to take this time to tell you guys why I think Dante's Inferno deserves better, and why you should check this game out. As well as why God of War fanboys and most mainstream game reviewers can all go suck on a large, stiff dick. Away we go!
Date Published: 2010-02-28
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By LaughingMan
The characters of BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger look like the horrific cosplay aftermath of a convention center mistakinly overlapping the booking dates of sci-fi, video game, and anime conventions. You have an epic clusterfuck of cat girls, ninjas, samurais, androgynous men with huge swords, giant robots, sexy female robots, lolita vampire sorceresses, hot police chicks with guns, and numerous other character classes that exist only in the deepest depths of nerd fantasy.
If there was an elf and dwarf present, I'm pretty sure that reality would IMPLODE from such a fantasy overload, and God would have to reboot the universe and populate it with androgynous underage vampire Vulcans riding dragon Gundam-robots in a quest to find "The One Ring to rule them all".
Date Published: 2010-02-24
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By ONOE
What makes Higurashi no Naku Koro ni so disturbing is that it contrasts a light-hearted childhood comedy with visually gruesome and deep psychological horror. The result is similar to taking a comedic slice-of-life anime like the Melancholy of Harsh Suzuki and crossing it with Silent Hill. The result is a very contrasting, surreal anime, most notably during the murderous conclusions of the arc which then starts again very bright and sunny.
Date Published: 2010-01-17
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By LaughingMan
Horrifying, heartbreaking, and brilliant on so many levels. I can't say it any clearer than this:
Higurashi no Naku Koro ni is, in my opinion, one of the greatest stories never told to Western audiences.
However, Higurashi no Naku Koro ni is not for everybody. The only people I can say should avoid this are those who are either squeamish, or just don't get off on horror and/or mysteries. As for everyone else who enjoys a deep, complex story or graphic horror, I can't suggest strongly enough that you give this a look. Even those who can't stand anime (like myself) Higurashi no Naku Koro ni is a series you MUST see.
Date Published: 2010-01-17
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By Kenny Farino
Basically, since I'll face the ultimate death penalty if I give away anything too specific, let me try to give you the rundown of "Higurashi no Naku Koro ni" in the most general way possible. We follow a group of friends in the town of Hinamizawa, Keiichi, Rena, Mion, Rika, and Satoko. The anime is split up into different story segments every couple of episodes, the events taking place focusing on a particular character to further an important element of storytelling called 'character development;' the different characters are fleshed out, and you get nice, rounded people that you can relate to in the general context of the series. You see, solid characters make a great story because they're half of the important elements in storytelling. In some instances, like the Joker in "The Dark Knight" characters are sometimes the primary causes for a story to roll along, so with so many diverse characters in "Higurashi...", we have so many opportunities to create some suspenseful, scary shit!
Date Published: 2010-01-17
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By LaughingMan
The ONLY remotely funny thing that happens during the entire series are the scenes when Al Azif (jailbait) introduces herself to the church lady as Kurou's "possession", calls Kurou "master" and publicly begs him "not to punish her again". Everyone takes it the wrong way... for the first few episodes, anyways. After a while it's abundantly clear that the only joke is that if you substitute the giant robot with a rusty ice-cream truck, the love story between Kurou and Al Azif is a pedophile's wet dream.
Date Published: 2010-01-01
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By Kenny Farino
For one thing, the story doesn't come close to following anything about the Cthulhu Mythos in any sense of the word. There are no intergalactic creatures that threaten to destroy the very sanity of the human race as everything is plunged into eternal darkness, there is no mystery as to why somebody like, say, Eric Zahn, is left alone, only to later discover that there are monsters in his kitchen sink asking for his immortal soul, and there is nothing indescribable or unfathomable save for why I have the sudden urge to burn the nearest Japanese person. Instead, we have mecha wars in Arkham, led by Al Azif, or the Necronomicon, and a slew of other uninspired characters. This is the farthest away you can get from Lovecraft and the Cthulhu Mythos, and I am ashamed of saying this has anything to do with either of them in the first place. The closest "Demonbane" comes to the Mythos is, as I said, naming things after the Lovecraftian Universe.
Date Published: 2010-01-01
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By ONOE
My impression of Kishin Houkou Demonbane is that it is a very brief retelling of the actual game, and while the original may be great, the anime is mediocre at best. So little is explained and explored, and the whole anime feels like just another drop of water in a sea of mecha anime. The only things that makes Demonbane noticeable are the original popular video game, the H.P. Lovecraft references, and the Pedophilia that raises concern.
Date Published: 2010-01-01
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By Zimes
It is a button masher and that’s all the skill it will take to play the game. Focus in one section weather it be stamina for health, strength for attack power, agility for speed, or intelligence for magic power and you will own face with your toon. as you beat the game with different toons, you unlock other toons that you can take through the game and level them up and use their different talents to beat the game. Also, after you beat the game the first time through, you can then turn the game on hard and beat it again.
Date Published: 2009-12-31
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By Kenny Farino
Starring Jeffrey Combs as Herbert West and directed by Stuart Gordon ("Dreams In The Witch House" of Masters of Horror), "Re-Animator" is about a mad scientist who comes to Miskatonic University to continue his studies and experiments on bringing the dead back to life, thus the title. He soon drags his unwitting friend Dan Cain (Bruce Abbott), a fellow student, into his experiments, and everything goes to hell in a hand basket faster than Obama's approval rating. What? What did I say? Anyway, the downsides of Dr. West's experiments that causes everything to go to hell in an instant is the fact that if the corpses aren't revived right after they have died, the risen are reduced to extremely violent zombies, which causes more and more chaos as the film goes on.
Date Published: 2009-12-28
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By RITOS
The Na'vi are a Furry's wet-dream (ie: a 'Furry' is someone who gets off on humanoid animals. Let that haunt your nightmares suckers). You have these tall, blue, half-people half-cat aliens that look even more anorexic than both of the Olson Twins combined but still manage to have a decent set of tits. And of course, to bring the message home that these are very 'Native' peoples who are in tune with the earth, every damned one of them is wearing nothing more than a leather loin-cloth and maybe a beaded bra. Talk about 'Au Natural'. But the part of Avatar that threw my suspension of disbelief out the window was the way that the Na'vi use their pony-tails to interact with nature. Flying monsters, trees, and even dead ancestors, they connect their hair to whatever they want to communicate with just like a fucking computer keyboard.
Date Published: 2009-12-23
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By Kenny Farino
Avatar's story may be identical to "Dances with Wolves" or others, but the way this was told was in such a way that kept my attention; the story was simple enough to understand but didn't treat the audience like idiots, and the appeal actually reminded me of other James Cameron movies like "Terminator 2". This movie had a certain humor about it, but it also told its story in a fun and emotional way. For the first time in a while, I actually gave a crap about the characters who were presented to me, and the actors really helped give this movie a certain quality that one could hardly feel in most modern films like, to use as an example again, "2012". In "Avatar," you had a range of different personalities that added a charm to the movie, whereas in "2012," most or all of the characters are interchangeable with each other, and you could easily forget about any of them in an instant.
Date Published: 2009-12-23
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By Kenny Farino
A podcast video/audio review of the Gorillaz Demon Days album by Kenny Farino and Curt Hoeckele. Kenny and Curt discuss the history of the Gorillaz, and review individual tracks of the album. The tracks and music videos to the Demon Days album are included for your viewing and listening pleasure.
Date Published: 2009-12-21
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By DrakkenWar
For a free game that is still in development a tip of the hat to FrozenSands, the developers and maintainers of Urban Terror. Hands down it's one of the best overall free FPS games around. With great graphics, vibrant gameplay and overall great community of players a double thumbs up to this one. Spend hours of frag induced fun, finding fun and new ways to create trails of body part and headless corps.
Date Published: 2009-12-20
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By LaughingMan
Set in the early 1900's, There Will Be Blood loosely based on the book "Oil!" by Upton Sinclair. The movie begins with 15 minutes of watching the meager and dangerous beginnings of Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis), and his start as an oil prospector. The first 15 minutes is silent, save for a few grunts and groans from when Plainview falls into a shaft and breaks his leg. You watch as Plainview builds his first crude oil derek, and how he adopts the orphaned son of one of the workers killed in a drilling accident. While this sounds extremely dry (and this movie may be boring to action junkies like myself) my ADHD eyes were fixated on what was probably one of the best silent performances I've seen for a long while. The ability to adequately tell a story without a single word is truly remarkable in this day and age; however finding an audience that will appreciate it is even more amazing.
Date Published: 2009-12-14
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By Kenny Farino
There is something very interesting to consider: while the SAW sequels have gotten gorier and gorier, while the story has become more and more convoluted, the first SAW movie actually had very little, if any, shown violence... wait, what? Yeah, SAW actually started off extremely tame in the way of gore. "But Kenny," you ask, this joke obviously stolen from Zero Punctuation ohgoddonthuntmedown, "how was the movie interesting without the GORE?" Well, SAW was actually very deeply rooted in a much older sub-genre of horror, suspense. The first SAW had much less gore, and much more suspense, and as a result I could actually watch this movie without covering my eyes! I watched the first film last night, and I thought it would be appropriate to review it, seeing as Halloween, and another sequel, draw closer.
Date Published: 2009-12-07
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By Zimes
This game was a total cock tease. It looked oh so pretty. The story line is interesting and would make for a good RPG later if they did the story right. But the gameplay is just so awful! It’s like your girl (or boy depending on the case) saying lets go have sex. She has the lingerie on, the candles lit, and says those words that any man would love to hear. Right as you pop wood, she kicks you in the crotch so hard that she makes you taste your own junk. Rinse and repeat as many times as you would like until you get the idea that it’s not going to happen.
Date Published: 2009-12-03
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By Kenny Farino
In 2005, the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society decided to undertake the tasks of adapting one of the most unadaptable stories into a film, emulating the movie-style of the time that The Call of Cthulhu was written. This means that the HPLHS emulated the style of the silent film, using a technology called "Mythoscope" to create something that feels that it came straight out of the 1920's! This comes complete with custom title cards and its own symphonic score. They were hoping to create "the most authentic and faithful screen adaptation of a Lovecraft story yet attempted" (the back of the DVD). Did they succeed?
Date Published: 2009-11-30
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By ONOE
Nearly all of the other updated CGI scenes stand out like a sore thumb, and that is not a compliment. The opening sequence, showing Major Motoko crouched against a city skyline at night has been converted entirely to CGI, as was the infamous 'optic camouflage scene' where Motoko leaps from a building and turns invisible. How they could get away with completely REPLACING the most iconic scene of Ghost in the Shell is beyond my understanding. Another iconic scene that received an update was, heartbreakingly, the scuba diving scene (mentioned above) that I am so fond of. Visually, the diving scene is still very beautiful, but the CGI makes it feel almost lifeless; it lacks the emotion of the original, hand-drawn version for some strange reason.
Date Published: 2009-11-21
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By Kenny Farino
In Born From A Wish, Maria finds herself alone in the Heaven's Night Bar. Left with nothing but a revolver, she wanders the streets of the town with the wish of finding a sign of human life. She eventually comes across the Baldwin Mansion, coming across Ernest, a man who has locked himself inside a room with the desire to be alone. In true Silent Hill style, Maria takes on the task of solving the puzzle to find out what's going on, and even find out more about herself.
Date Published: 2009-11-15
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By LaughingMan
Liebe Ist Für Alle Da is a triumphant return of Rammstein's distinctive sound. However, it is not as close to the Sehnsucht or Mutter albums as divided fans may have wished, but it is definitely a step in the right direction. I implore fans and metal-heads alike to purchase the album, or at least legitimately purchase a few of the songs. Rammstein appears to be listening to their fans, and continue to refine their sound to keep it fresh, though distinctly Rammstein; Liebe Ist Für Alle Da is proof.
Now if only the fuckers would tour in the States again...
Date Published: 2009-11-09
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By LaughingMan
Then there is 'the game board room'. The game board room is the most infuriatingly annoying part of any modern game I have ever played. If you are lucky enough to have never played this piece of shit, I'll explain it to you:
When you enter this room, there's no turning back. A pair of dice drops from the ceiling, and when you 'roll' (slash) them, your 'piece' moves throughout the 'board'. There are different colored spaces you can land on, and each one has a peril that depends on what difficulty you are playing Devil May Cry 4 on. If you land on a colored square you can either: Receive a ton of red orbs, be attacked by multiple enemies, have to out-run lasers, HAVE TO RE-FIGHT PAST BOSSES, or even GO BACK SPACES.
It's a fucking sadistic version of Candyland that is the gaming equivalent of "If you land on red, you have to cut off a finger. If you land on purple, you get a smoothie. If you land on Yellow, you have to go back and try again." Sweet fuck, I was expecting to see a pale-faced doll riding a tricycle in the corner of the room.
Date Published: 2009-10-20
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By ONOE
Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust is a masterful anime. Every scene is a visually stunning and the storyline is a captivating mesh of multiple genres and themes. I truly enjoyed this movie not only because of the exquisite artwork but because Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust is a serious, touching, and at times humorous movie that anyone who watches it. The most surprising part is that Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust seems to play well with almost all Western audiences.
Date Published: 2009-10-18
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By Kenny Farino
So what is the premise? You are the Point Man, an operative of the F.E.A.R. faction. The F.E.A.R. team is a branch of the government that investigates paranormal activity, and is kept secret from everybody else. Like Team Jericho, but cooler. Anyway, shit hits the fan when a whacked-out operative named Paxton Ferrel takes control of a telepathic clone army (don't you dare think of The Clone Wars), and takes control of the Armacham Technology Corporation. It is your job to neutralize him before he is able to pull off any horrible deeds, and you are completely alone as you not only battle legions of these supersoldiers, but also encounter a creepy and incredibly powerful entity named Alma. How does Alma fit into the story? She sends the Point Man into what can only be described as Mindfuck City, easily making these portions some of the freakiest in the game.
Date Published: 2009-10-12
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By Kenny Farino
Halloween 2 is beyond help, and I'm only going to sound like many other reviewers when I say that Rob Zombie has made the opposite of Citizen Kane. Halloween 2 is worse than Twilight, Repo! The Genetic Opera, and all other torture porns in existence. This was a waste of the $8 dollars I paid to see it, and t was a waste of an evening. I spent an entire week ranting about this to my friends, and it was for a very good reason.
Date Published: 2009-10-05
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By Kenny Farino
It’s a mess. Some people seem to love this, but you won’t find me calling myself a fan. I was told this was a great movie by so many deviantART people, but then my college friends told me it sucked. I went into REPO! The Genetic Opera expecting to hate it, and I was pleasantly surprised... in which I was absolutely right in my expectations! With emotionally retarded characters, terrible music, and a story that’s incredibly confusing, not to mention being very poorly made in the process, this big fat train crash.
Date Published: 2009-09-30
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By Zimes
Rau from The Mark of Kri makes Kratos and Dante look like pansies. Look, despite if you like the pansies that were mentioned above or not The Mark of Kri is a title that has aged well and that probably gave birth to most of the things you do now in Devil May Cry and is definitely a base on which all of God of War has been built on.
Date Published: 2009-09-27
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By AesopsLegend
Boss battles are pretty interesting because you have to use certain folks in order to expose its id. Throughout the level, you’ll discover pages that shows the boss battling a few folks which advises you to use those folks to battle the boss. Instead of moving the controller upwards to yank out his id, you’ll be playing a small sixaxis mini-game, and it is by far one of the best implementation of the sixaxis feature. One boss might require you to balance his id by tilting the sixaxis controller while another boss might require you to pound his id to the ground repeatedly by moving the controller left and right. It takes a while to get used to the sixaxis mini-games, but the sixaxis sensor is very responsive.
Date Published: 2009-09-23
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By Kenny Farino
The first thing that struck me with Dexter: Season Two was a lack or toning down in the content that made the First Season such a smash hit. One of the things that made S1 so endearing was Dexter choosing and dealing with a new victim every episode, serial killers that he wanted to kill to satisfy his urges, and abide by the Code of Harry (kill people who deserve it, namely heinous criminals). In S2, there is a considerable lack of them. How he deals with them is also altered, namely making a transition from using power tools to simply stabbing them in the chest.
Date Published: 2009-09-19
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By Kenny Farino
The one thing I could find that was really a complaint so far was the beginning of the first issue after Jason gets loose. Nightmares, domestic life, and tons of things going on at once. For instance, I have no idea where this comes from, but somebody is watching "Army of Darkness" in the theatres. Suddenly, the Deadite General is replaced by Freddy. Then we never see it again. What the hell? Despite a shakily confusing beginning that requires a few reads, I can't really find anything else to complain about so far!
Date Published: 2009-09-13
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By LaughingMan
What Arkham Asylum was supposed to do, it did EXTREMELY well. It made a solid comic book video game, it was truthful to the characters, and the combat system was well developed. HOWEVER, the game is extremely repetitive in places and it drove me (for lack of a better term) 'batty' doing relatively the same thing over and over again.
The voice actors from Batman: The Animated Series was a HUGE PLUS for the kid in me, and it was totally worth playing if not just for the chance to hear them make their comeback in a very dark and very gritty story.
Regardless of the problems I have with it, the game is between a rental and a full purchase, and which way it swings depends on whether or not you think the game has any replay value with the stealth and combat mission modes.
Date Published: 2009-09-12
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By LaughingMan
Dante eating strawberry sundaes.
That's it... The minute that running gag took hold, my entire perception of everything cool about Devil May Cry burned to ashes around me and blew away like dust in the wind. Dante, the half-demon, monster slaying, crazy-bitch pimping anti-hero of the series eats pretty pink strawberry sundaes like there's no tomorrow. Also, the fact that Dante and his friend, Morrison, are living out a gay fantasy involving adopting a little girl together just tops the cake and makes me question the underlying tones of the series.
Date Published: 2009-08-24
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By ONOE
The action sequences... are mediocre. Sad to say it, the action is far between, usually involving only one fight at the end of each episode that lasts about thirty seconds. A usual fight starts with a demon saying he will kill Dante, and then it takes a few swipes before Dante either blasts it away in a hailstorm of bullets, or cuts it in half with his enormous broadsword. Originating from one of the biggest action games in history, it's a disenchanting downturn.
Date Published: 2009-08-24
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By RITOS
When I first saw Transformers 1 in theaters, I was bored as all hell. I sat in the theater for the first hour and a half thinking to myself, "Why the hell did I pay $10 to watch retarded kids climbing trees, dogs with bling, parents that are more annoying and anal than my own, and a teen drama between a skinny geek and a hot girl who can't act?" The stupidity of the Transformers playing fucking hide-and-seek with Sam's parents was the moment my childhood shattered and fell to the sticky theater floor. There was nothing that would redeem that steaming piece of shit... Until badass fight towards the end between the Decepticons and the Autobots (as brief and completely out of focus as they were). Others commented that "If the movie had more fighting and less teen drama crap it would be better."
Careful what you wish for because Transformers 2 is the opposite extreme: All fighting sprinkled with the stupid comedy-relief characters and annoying jokes that I hated from the first movie.
Date Published: 2009-08-16
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By LaughingMan
These are the games you should buy immediately, or you should avoid like a hooker named Russell.
The primary reason I am writing this is to give an open and somewhat unbiased opinion to readers of what is hot or not. There are a lot of games on the Playstation Network that are extremely hit-and-miss because there isn't a lot of information about some of them. So I am clearing the air to either: Reinforce what you may have heard; contradict what people have told you; and possibly expose you to some games you wouldn't have considered otherwise.
Date Published: 2009-08-09
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By LaughingMan
High Velocity Bowling is the Playstation 3’s response to Wii Bowling, and in all honesty I believe it THRASHES the Wii with its motion controls. The premise is simple: It’s bowling. However, not only are the controls fluid, but the controller fits comfortably in your hand, mimicking the fingering of a real bowling ball. The physics engine is much more advanced than the simple ‘pin physics’ in Wii Bowling. The pins fall, spin, and flip in a way that looks and feels more natural, and controlling the direction of the ball I find EASIER in HVB. The only beef I have with HVB are the characters. There are initially around eight or ten unique characters, each with their own abilities (accuracy, curve, and speed), however once you obtain the higher-skilled characters by beating them in single-player mode, you never again use the older characters because they never get any better.
Date Published: 2009-08-09
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By LaughingMan
PAIN. The concept is that you are one of a multitude of downloadable characters (for $2 each) that gets shot off of a giant slingshot into a fully destructible sandbox-like city. You can shoot your character into little old ladies, have him get run over by a subway car, have him get involved in horrifically painful traffic accidents, or whatever other kinds of sadomasochistic foolishness you would fantasize of if you had a wet-dream about Wile E. Coyote. The violence is cartoonish, but the underlying themes are very tongue-in-cheek. There's a lot of perverse jokes if you pause the game and look at the signs and billboards of the cityscape, which is probably the only way to make this game last an extra half-hour after you've destroyed everything there is to destroy, and after you've played your 99th game of 'HORSE' with someone just as stupid and socially-inept as yourself.
Date Published: 2009-08-09
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By LaughingMan
All of Mortal Kombat II's arcade greatness... has been lost. There is no crowd around your television cheering you on, there are no parents screaming at you for playing it, and politicians have found that video game censoring isn't profitable. The aura of 'taboo' is now missing, but in its wake is still a solid game and a great nostalgic trip for anybody with $5 to spare. It's still fun to go back and see if you can pull off some of the fatalities by heart, and with a decent online mode (I said 'decent', not 'good') Mortal Kombat II is totally worth the price of a Big Mac.
Date Published: 2009-08-09
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By LaughingMan
Championship Racing for the PSN has not only aged poorly, but the majority of the game's fun-factor rested in the steering wheels. The game is not at all as fun to play sitting alone in your house or apartment with a controller in your hand. The gameplay with a Sixaxis is abysmal, and with its dated graphics, the odds of finding someone who will play this with you (even online) is slim to none.
Date Published: 2009-08-09
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By LaughingMan
Granted, there aren't a lot of Playstation 1 games on the PSN Store yet, however there are some high-profile gems that no gamer should be without. And, this wouldn't be necessarily my Top PS1 Games of All Time list because it is missing some essentials: Resident Evil 2, Parasite Eve, Chrono Cross, Mortal Kombat Trilogy, Legend of Dragoon, Silent Hill, etc.
Even if you do own a copy of one of the following games, it would be worth buying them again if you have a PSP so you could take them with you when you travel.
Date Published: 2009-08-09
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By LaughingMan
THIS GAME IS PAIN! PURE UNRELENTING PAIN THAT LAUGHS BACK AT YOU AS YOU SCREAM AT IT, BUT PISSES YOU BEYOND THE POINT OF SIMPLY QUITTING. NO, BEATING THIS GAME BECOMES A PERSONAL CRUSADE AND UPON COMPLETION MAKES YOU LEAP OUT OF YOUR COUCH AND, WITH THE VEINS IN YOUR HEAD ABOUT TO BURST, STAND HOLDING YOUR MIDDLE FINGER OUT INFRONT OF THE TELEVISION FOR THE WHOLE 3-MINUTES THAT THE CREDITS ROLL.
AND THEN, AS ITS FINAL INSULT, IT SHOWS YOU THE TIME YOU SPENT TORTURING YOURSELF AS THOUGH SAYING "THESE ARE HOURS IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK, AND YOU SPENT IT TORTURING YOURSELF AND TESTING THE BOUNDARIES OF YOUR SANITY. CON-FUCKING-GRATULATIONS YOU STUPID ASSHOLE AND THANKS FOR YOUR MONEY!"
Date Published: 2009-07-12
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By Zimes
Yeah, it's about time I take on an MMORPG. Since I have only been playing Eve for about a week and X3: Terran Conflict a little longer I think it would be fair to pit them against each other for a first time look at each although I have already done a review on X3: Terran Conflict. Making fun of these two games is going to be interesting since I think I will get a lot of hate from the Eve community for this.
Date Published: 2009-07-11
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By Zimes
I never got into any of the Rayman games when they were coming out. I ended up looking at them and thinking they were a knock off of Mario games and really didn't pay any more attention to them until my brother showed my one that was on the Xbox 360. I ended up playing this mini game that was slapping the crap out of funky looking rabbits who were trying to ad-lib on a song. It was sick and wrong and I was laughing so hard that I had to go take a leak before I pissed myself. The Raving Rabbids that came out for the Wii (I think there are 3 now. 2 original and one that you can play with the Wii fit) has so many mini games it is hard to be bored with the game.
Date Published: 2009-06-28
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By Zimes
Game play sucks. I don't think there are enough negative words to put together in the English language to describe how much X3 Terran Conflict's game play sucks. It's like they have taken all the normal mouse moves and mixed them all up! And it's not like you can pause X3 Terran Conflict and fix it. No, if it is on pause and you click any button X3 Terran Conflict becomes un-paused and the ship keeps flying without anyone steering the damn thing! And even if you think you have the buttons where you want them, they will fail on you when you need them. I was in the middle of a dog fight when my shooting button refused to work. I had to reset to default button settings to get it to work again.
Date Published: 2009-06-19
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By ONOE
Interstella 5555 is a magical film that borders on dreamlike in both its imagery and its absurdity. However, until you watch it, until you EXPERIENCE it, it is impossible to accurately judge this album by its cover. I can’t suggest this film enough. Even if you hate anime or dislike the music of Daft Punk, it is still a powerful piece of music history that, unlike a dream, can be re-experienced by a simple click of a button.
Date Published: 2009-06-15
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By LaughingMan
Gone are the narrow corridors that you have to fight legions of blood puppets like in the first. Now, the levels are expansive and you have the freedom to roam through city streets and across rooftops to your hearts content. The downside is that you now have to walk five fucking miles to achieve anything or fight any enemies! Seriously, at stretches at a time Devil May Cry 2 is virtually desolate of enemies until you walk down just the right street, and then a few will materialize around you. What Devil May Cry 2 developers should have done was give Dante a 'Devil Cellphone' so he could call up his damned enemies and work out a location.
Date Published: 2009-05-23
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By LaughingMan
Everyone is going to hate me for saying this, but as awesome as Devil May Cry is to play, the control scheme feels ASS BACKWARDS. Square shoots and Circle attacks with the Devil Arm, which is good, but then you have Triangle jump and X open doors? What the hell is up with that? The Triangle button isn't a fucking Up Arrow, and even if there was an 'Up' button, games that require you to push 'Up' to jump suck. And having X open doors but do nothing else? X is the second most commonly used button on a Playstation controller, so why the hell was it demoted to just opening fucking doors?
Date Published: 2009-04-29
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By Zimes
You start off as a 4 man team consisting of Spiderman, Wolverine, Captain America, and Thor. To me it is not a bad set up and if you want to play this team go for it, I will be changing characters as soon as possible though. This is a top down game so most of the fights you will be viewing from above. I keep wolverine (cause lets face it, he is a bad ass) and Spiderman (one of my favorites). I add Deadpool for the one-liners and boost that he gives the team. Also a good backup to wolverine for my play style since they both have healing factors and it helps me stay alive a little longer when needed. I also add a strong man and boost his focus.
Date Published: 2009-04-29
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By Zimes
Infinite Undiscovery actually lets you back into one of you save points before you walk up the chain so you can wonder the world some more but, it is just not worth it. I turned off Infinite Undiscovery and I hope to get some money back when I go trade it in.
The score still stands. while graphics and music are nice it does NOT make up for HORRIBLE story line, worse screen play, stupid cut scene, and an Infinite disregard for decent gameplay. In fact I feel like bringing it down a point just for suffering through that crap.
For those that like it, I realize every game is not for everybody but, be honest with yourself: was it worth the $40 you blew on it? if your answer was yes, I have an awesome game I want to sell you! To me I have a good idea on what I will not be blowing my money on anytime soon.
Date Published: 2009-04-19
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By LaughingMan
I have a love-hate relationship with the Devil May Cry games. Well, no, it’s really more like an abusive relationship.
You are seduced by the graphics and the unique style of the game, and for a while it treats you well, letting you have your way with it. Then the game gets angry. The game hits you, hard. You stare blankly at it, wondering if what had just happened was real or not. The game apologizes to you, seducing you again by its unique play and style, setting you up for another beating. Sometimes the game will hurt you or make you feel angry and powerless, and other times Devil May Cry triumphs and excels beyond your expectations and you end up forgiving it despite your better judgment.
Date Published: 2009-04-05
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By Bound4Blades
The makers of the game, Capcom, know how to service long time fans of Mega Man 9 like myself. They released the (officially titled) ninth Mega Man game in the identical style of the early Nintendo games. Mega Man 9 not only went back to its roots with the sounds and music, but also the weapons or lack there of. In the later Mega Man games you had the ability to charge your shots and slide. Both are mysteriously absent from Mega Man 9 making it the most challenging Mega Man game since 2.
Date Published: 2009-03-30
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By Zimes
Probably the best part of this game is when it takes place. The rebellion has not started but, the empire is slowly spreading their iron grip across the universe. Darth Vader is going around wiping out any and all Jedi that he knows of. . .and he starts at the Wookiee home world of Kashyyyk. Now for those that have not played The Force Unleashed I will be telling all so if you just want my rankings just go to the end. Of course after you whip though the army of Wookies that throw themselves at you (don’t forget to kill 200 of them for your achievement) you arrive at an unknown Jedi's hut and commence beating him down. Vader senses that he is not the Jedi he seeks and wants to know where his master is. Of course the Jedi tries to protect the identity of this unknown Jedi and then dies. Vader then gets surprised by none other than a kid about 2 years old. The troopers come in to dispense of this kid and Vader saves him! Ok ruthless, heartless Vader: are you going soft on me?
Date Published: 2009-03-13
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By LaughingMan
And the icing on the cake are the REMOTE CONTROLLED SAW BLADES called 'The Ripper'.
Yes, you read that right. REMOTE. CONTROLLED. SAW BLADES. What fucking practical purpose would remote controlled saw blades serve in not only reality, but even in SPACE? Are there trees in the far reaches of space? And even if there were, why the hell would the saw blades need to be remote controlled? Wouldn’t that be some kind of high-risk equipment? A spinning saw disk that you can control remotely would be the LAST THING a company would ever develop (aside from Sword-Chucks) and would be the most hazardous piece of equipment a moon logging company would ever possess. I mean, can you imagine the Legal Liabilities for when one of the blades eventually goes haywire? It would wreak so much carnage that any surviving moon loggers would have a story that would outshine the most horrific story ever told by a worker at a pig slaughtering factory.
Date Published: 2009-03-06
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By RITOS
What is the main motivation of JASON, as established in the first 3 movies? It's simple. He KILLS camp counselors that work at Crystal Lake out of VENGEANCE for a camp counselor killing his MOTHER. Thats what Jason does. He DESTROYS camp counselors and sometimes other people if they get in his way of killing counselors. Every FRIDAY movie has camp counselors re-opening Crystal Lake, or working at a camp nearby, or whatever, but they are always camp counselors. So yah, Jasons mom gets killed by a camp counselor, and he in turn kills counselors. Easy.
Now lets look at the new remake version. Does Jason kill camp counselors? No. Instead, he is protecting his MAGICAL MARIJUANA CROP and killing PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO SMOKE OR STEAL HIS WEED. I am not fucking joking.
Date Published: 2009-03-06
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By LaughingMan
While it is your turn, and you are moving your piece, every enemy within viewing distance is raining a hail-storm of bullets on your selected character. It is as though the character you select is given a big neon sign that says "I AM HERE, KILL ME IF YOU CAN". The entire thing feels horribly unfair. Why is it that my scouts attract gunfire like an enormous electro-magnet while enemy scouts can sneak past all of my near-sighted soldiers with minimal damage taken? Even more unfair is that Valkyria Chronicles is supposed to be turn-based, so why are my characters being killed by my enemies during my turn? The third and final reason the CPU outright CHEATS is that if an enemy marches towards you, your enemies will attack him UNTIL HE STOPS; then my soldiers think that it warrants an automatic cease fire. However, if I go trotting towards an Imperial soldier, I get shot at, and if I stop, I STILL GET SHOT AT. Only when I raise my weapon does the enemy not only stop firing at me, but PATIENTLY WAITS FOR ME TO SHOOT HIM BETWEEN THE EYES. For fuck's sake, Sega.
Date Published: 2009-02-15
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By LaughingMan
If by 'interact' you mean "dozens of lonely video game nerds circling the nearest female avatar and staring at digital cleavage" then you're right on the money. I shit you not, if you don't have any other people in your Friends list, pretend you're a girl (make a female avatar), buy a short plaid skirt for $1.00 (real money), and dance for 3 minutes (having music to dance to is optional because for some reason it's not nearly as stupid or creepy as in real life). By the time you can finish humming 'The Bad Touch' by The Bloodhound Gang, you'll be in the center of a virtual bukaki circle attended by every nerd in a 50 foot radius.
Date Published: 2009-01-28
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By Zimes
Game play SUCKS. Not just oh, it can be decent if . . Stop right there, it plain flat out is the worst game play I have ever experienced. Despite the fact that you can organize your crew into certain formations and choose if they attack with magic or combat arts: YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHAT YOUR CHARACTERS DO!!! Out of 25 people you would think that it would be impossible to kill you but it happens. You usually get to choose 4 types of attacks when you fight and unless you kill your opponent your moral for the entire team goes down. Which means: you miss your attack all together, you don’t hit as hard as you should, or you get jumped without being able to counter attack.
Date Published: 2009-01-21
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By LaughingMan
Finally, you wanted to know whether or not Clive Barker's Jericho is scary. To be honest: No, Clive Barker's Jericho is not that scary when compared to the brilliant Silent Hill 2, or even Clive Barker's highly-praised predecessor: UNDYING. It is, however, genuinely creepy and thoroughly disturbing. While there's little that jumps out and goes 'boo!' for a cheap scare, there's always something horrific that you can't help but stare at. However, there were a couple of segments that did make me feel panicked, though I won't tell you where they happen: The first encounter with the massive Gladiator demon, and the fight against the Ghost Children (undead kids are always scary).
Date Published: 2009-01-05
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By LaughingMan
Where Penny Arcade Adventures excels in gameplay is with the unconventional way it crashes standard RPG elements by making every enemy fight substantial to the story as a whole, rather than an endless wave of cannon fodder that contributes little aside from experience points. Penny Arcade Adventures also pokes a lot of fun at the 'tried-and-true' RPG in the dialoge and even with the names of the items.
The humor is probably an acquired taste, but if IS your taste, you'll enjoy what Penny Arcade Adventures has to offer. The jokes are too mature for younger kids, despite the whole 'cartoon' look. If you're an action junkie, look somewhere else because there's a lot of 'collecting' and 'quests' in this game. Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness probably isn't deep enough for an RPG junkie, either.
Date Published: 2008-12-28
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By LaughingMan
Though single player is really fun, the real fun to be had can be found online where you can play some amazingly imaginative levels that other people have created. Only when playing the user-created levels can you really grasp how amazingly powerful your Creative Tools can be, with a healthy imagination to go with it. I've seen levels that are based on the American Gladiators TV show, anti-gravity race cars that ride like rollercoasters, a quirky, disturbing SAW-based level with traps and puzzles, and my favorite, the Final Fantasy music Levels.
Date Published: 2008-12-24
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By LaughingMan
Now, Metal Gear Solid has always been pretty heavy with the cutscenes, and for the most part they've added a great deal of depth to not only the storylines, but also the characters themselves. The series wouldn't be as highly regarded if it wasn't for the use of well written and scripted cutscenes. Metal Gear Solid 4 is no exception, and most of the in-game movies involve complex storylines and deep character development.
HOWEVER, the older games seemed to have had a better balance between the gameplay and the movies than MGS4 does. I just kept thinking that there were a lot of sequences that could have been playable, or atleast interactive (ala God of War) to help keep me 'in the game'. The gameplay seemed to be more like "play 10 minutes, watch a 20 minute cutscene, rise, wash, repeat" than its predecessors: "play a section, act or chapter with a few brief cutscenes, THEN watch a 20 minute cutscene at the end of it."
Date Published: 2008-11-22
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