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Zimes's Reviews
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Review by zimes : January 27, 2012
In anticipation to the third installment in the Mass Effect trilogy, Zimes brings us the first entry in his massive Mass Effect Series Review.
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Review by zimes : March 24, 2011
What happens when your last Fable 3 Achievement is to "have a baby with someone online" and you don't know any girl gamers?
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Review by Zimes : October 28, 2010
If you have made a character and got him to level 60, you know the time and effort you have put into it. Now, what if it go so addictive that you leveled more characters up to level 60, then 70, now 80 and soon to be 85! The time to get one character up to the level cap THEN properly gear him is simply a second job. I was so addicted to World of Warcraft that my game time was from when I got home to when I went to bed, sacrificing sleep along the way. Some days I would plan a raid for late-nighters and not go to bed until 3am getting up at 6 working a full 8 hours then doing it again the next day. At one time I would only get 20 hours of sleep for the week just because I knew that the next week I had a day off to where I could sleep in.
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Review by Zimes : August 27, 2010
Borderlands is a Mad Max: The Road Warrior styled game about a group of bounty hunters that are hunting for the elusive Vault on the planet of Pandora. The vault is a local legend that supposedly holds advanced alien technology. So of course if you find the vault, you will become rich, powerful, and famous. In Borderlands, you get to play one of the 4 characters that are searching for this Vault. Along the way you end up meeting and helping new people, upgrading your fighting style and weapons, and killing bad guys.
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Review by Zimes : July 10, 2010
This game is an underrated gem. With the past crappy Transformer games still lingering in everyone's mind this game will probably be overlooked by a lot of gamers not interested in being disappointed. As a Transformers nerd I urge you to look past those games and pick this up. You will be pleasantly surprised.
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Review by Zimes : June 15, 2010
Do I need to continue embarrassing you, Gabe, for sticking up for this piece of shit or do you get the point?
So far there is nothing in this game that would make up for the lack of character development, crappy story line, standard graphics, and really shitty music. Are you OK playing with sub-par games Gabe? Cause one f**king thing is for f**king certain: I for sure am sick of this type of shit being put on to us! For any RGP out there you must have at least one of the 4 following criteria at excellent or above to slate my wrath: Graphics, Story, Game play, or Music. If you don't have any at that level, DON'T BOTHER MAKING THE F**KING GAME!
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Review by Zimes : March 13, 2010
Seriously, just like in Star Wars: The Force Unleashed when you are getting owned in a fight you will come up a button sequence. When this happens you have different time periods to press the button. 1) Normal time: For those that have slow reflexes are not going to get this that much but, it is obtainable although it does not happen enough. 2) Pick your ass, get a drink, drop the kids off at the pool, read a book, order a pizza, and then press the damn button. Or 3) F*** you, you blinked. You get to watch PoPs get owned. Now since you don't die, you get to watch Elika save your ass but, the cost is that the enemy gets his health back. So all that work you did before hand, like the 14 point combo you just unleashed on his ass, gets healed. To top off your freshly raped ass, the bosses then start talking shit to you.
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Review by Zimes : December 31, 2009
It is a button masher and that is all the skill it will take to play the game. Focus in one section weather it be stamina for health, strength for attack power, agility for speed, or intelligence for magic power and you will own face with your toon. as you beat the game with different toons, you unlock other toons that you can take through the game and level them up and use their different talents to beat the game. Also, after you beat the game the first time through, you can then turn the game on hard and beat it again.
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Review by Zimes : December 3, 2009
This game was a total cock tease. It looked oh so pretty. The story line is interesting and would make for a good RPG later if they did the story right. But the gameplay is just so awful! It's like your girl (or boy depending on the case) saying lets go have sex. She has the lingerie on, the candles lit, and says those words that any man would love to hear. Right as you pop wood, she kicks you in the crotch so hard that she makes you taste your own junk. Rinse and repeat as many times as you would like until you get the idea that it's not going to happen.
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Review by Zimes : September 27, 2009
Rau from The Mark of Kri makes Kratos and Dante look like pansies. Look, despite if you like the pansies that were mentioned above or not The Mark of Kri is a title that has aged well and that probably gave birth to most of the things you do now in Devil May Cry and is definitely a base on which all of God of War has been built on.
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Review by Zimes : July 11, 2009
Yeah, it's about time I take on an MMORPG. Since I have only been playing Eve for about a week and X3: Terran Conflict a little longer I think it would be fair to pit them against each other for a first time look at each although I have already done a review on X3: Terran Conflict. Making fun of these two games is going to be interesting since I think I will get a lot of hate from the Eve community for this.
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Review by Zimes : June 28, 2009
I never got into any of the Rayman games when they were coming out. I ended up looking at them and thinking they were a knock off of Mario games and really didn't pay any more attention to them until my brother showed my one that was on the Xbox 360. I ended up playing this mini game that was slapping the crap out of funky looking rabbits who were trying to ad-lib on a song. It was sick and wrong and I was laughing so hard that I had to go take a leak before I pissed myself. The Raving Rabbids that came out for the Wii (I think there are 3 now. 2 original and one that you can play with the Wii fit) has so many mini games it is hard to be bored with the game.
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Review by Zimes : June 19, 2009
Game play sucks. I don't think there are enough negative words to put together in the English language to describe how much X3 Terran Conflict's game play sucks. It's like they have taken all the normal mouse moves and mixed them all up! And it's not like you can pause X3 Terran Conflict and fix it. No, if it is on pause and you click any button X3 Terran Conflict becomes un-paused and the ship keeps flying without anyone steering the damn thing! And even if you think you have the buttons where you want them, they will fail on you when you need them. I was in the middle of a dog fight when my shooting button refused to work. I had to reset to default button settings to get it to work again.
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Review by Zimes : April 19, 2009
Infinite Undiscovery actually lets you back into one of you save points before you walk up the chain so you can wonder the world some more but, it is just not worth it. I turned off Infinite Undiscovery and I hope to get some money back when I go trade it in.
The score still stands. while graphics and music are nice it does NOT make up for HORRIBLE story line, worse screen play, stupid cut scene, and an Infinite disregard for decent gameplay. In fact I feel like bringing it down a point just for suffering through that crap.
For those that like it, I realize every game is not for everybody but, be honest with yourself: was it worth the $40 you blew on it? if your answer was yes, I have an awesome game I want to sell you! To me I have a good idea on what I will not be blowing my money on anytime soon.
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Review by Zimes : March 13, 2009
Probably the best part of this game is when it takes place. The rebellion has not started but, the empire is slowly spreading their iron grip across the universe. Darth Vader is going around wiping out any and all Jedi that he knows of. . .and he starts at the Wookiee home world of Kashyyyk. Now for those that have not played The Force Unleashed I will be telling all so if you just want my rankings just go to the end. Of course after you whip though the army of Wookies that throw themselves at you (don’t forget to kill 200 of them for your achievement) you arrive at an unknown Jedi's hut and commence beating him down. Vader senses that he is not the Jedi he seeks and wants to know where his master is. Of course the Jedi tries to protect the identity of this unknown Jedi and then dies. Vader then gets surprised by none other than a kid about 2 years old. The troopers come in to dispense of this kid and Vader saves him! Ok ruthless, heartless Vader: are you going soft on me?
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Review by Zimes : January 21, 2009
Game play SUCKS. Not just oh, it can be decent if . . Stop right there, it plain flat out is the worst game play I have ever experienced. Despite the fact that you can organize your crew into certain formations and choose if they attack with magic or combat arts: YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHAT YOUR CHARACTERS DO!!! Out of 25 people you would think that it would be impossible to kill you but it happens. You usually get to choose 4 types of attacks when you fight and unless you kill your opponent your moral for the entire team goes down. Which means: you miss your attack all together, you don’t hit as hard as you should, or you get jumped without being able to counter attack.
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