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The Best and Worst Games on the Playstation Network
(Playstation 3)

LaughingMan's Consumer Report: Updated August 2009

By LaughingMan

Top 5 Non-Exclusive Games on the Playstation Network

This is a short list of the best NON-exclusive PSN games. In case you have no fucking clue what 'non-exclusive' means, it means that these games are available on the XBox 360 and/or the Nintendo Wii.

As always, if you want to argue or give your own opinions, Comment below the article!

#5 - Mortal Kombat II

Mortal Kombat II*Insert 'Techno-Syndrome' Mortal Kombat theme*

If Street Fighter II was the Cadillac of arcade fighting games, then Mortal Kombat II was the muscle car. Mortal Kombat 1 was an arcade hit, mostly in part to its (then) extreme violence and the prevailing shit-storm is produced. Parents and politicians were foaming at the mouth, screaming for censorship, and it only fanned the flames of fame. Mortal Kombat was a decent game, but aside from the gore it was nothing special, and had the gore gone unnoticed or had it never been brought to center stage in the media, I doubt there would have been a sequel.

Thank God for politicians and stupid parents! Mortal Kombat II took everything that was good about Mortal Kombat, and it took it to the extreme. The character roster grew, the fighting was refined, and the game was bloodier than ever. New stage fatalities, outrageous fatalities, and the 'Friendship' finishers that flipped the middle-finger at censors; Mortal Kombat II was the king of the arcades. The first time I witnessed its glory, there was an enormous crowd of teenagers in the arcade, and they would be fighting one another in a king-of-the-hill kind of fashion, and the reigning champ would SLAUGHTER his challenger by eating his head, or throwing him into a pool of acid. It was glorious.

All of its arcade greatness... has been lost. There is no crowd around your television cheering you on, there are no parents screaming at you for playing it, and politicians have found that video game censoring isn't profitable. The aura of 'taboo' is now missing, but in its wake is still a solid game and a great nostalgic trip for anybody with $5 to spare. It's still fun to go back and see if you can pull off some of the fatalities by heart, and with a decent online mode (I said 'decent', not 'good') Mortal Kombat II is totally worth the price of a Big Mac.

#4 - Bionic Commando: Rearmed

Bionic Commando RearmedOr, as I call it, "Bionic Commando for PUSSIES."

Yes, I OWN the original NES Bionic Commando, and that game is as hard-core as you can get. There's no denying that the difficulty in the remake has been excessively toned down from the NES original it's based off of. Enemies and obstacles have been removed, new weapons let you shoot in various angles, and with the latest patch, 1.01, you no longer need 1-ups to survive. Nope, you automatically return to the very last piece of solid ground you were standing on before you died. You will NEVER see a Game Over screen in this whole game. However, Bionic Commando has a hard mode that makes the game nearly impossible to win because not only can enemies shoot diagonally (something you can't without special weapons), but they seem to be able to predict your every shot and adequately find cover or dodge your bullets.

But despite my loathing of its difficulty levels, Bionic Commando Rearmed is a blast to play. The game is rendered in I guess what you would call 2 1/2-D, preserving the side-scrolling and platforming of the original, but with 3D-rendered enemies and levels. I do feel that the 'swing-mechanic' of the grappling arm has been refined from the NES version, making it less difficult to complete some of the later levels, and also more enjoyable to explore a level. Hidden items and power-ups makes the game more replayable, and the inclusion of secret levels and the virtual courses extends the life of BC:R beyond the original. There is a lot going for Bionic Commando: Rearmed, so it definitely makes this 'Best of' list.

SPOILER: You get to KILL Hitler! Whoot!

#3 - Battlefield 1943

Battlefield 1943There is no denying it: Battlefield 1943 is awesome. If you have played the previous Battlefield games, you will know what to expect: Guns, vehicles, and aircrafts; however, for the extremely low price, there is no reason you wouldn't want to jump into the most popular online game on the PSN and XBL. There is no game on PSN or XBL that can beat its record sales and extensive gameplay. I have literally spent more than 30 hours on this game which is more then what I have spent on some $60 full retail games. Either by air, sea or by land, this game will have you addicted.

My gripes with the game, however, is that it does feel 'incomplete' as far as only having THREE LEVELS: Guadalcanal, Iwo Jima and Wake Island. Yet another critique of mine is that if I have to play a WWII game (and there are way, WAY too many of them out there) I honestly prefer fighting in Europe. The destroyed towns, the forests and fields, and even the deserts always appealed to me more than fighting on in the jungles and on the beaches of Gilligan's Island, but that's my personal preference. All in all, if you crave multiplayer, you like WWII games, and you want the most bang for your buck, I totally recommend Battlefield 1943.

#2 - Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix

Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix
Cammy Street Fighter HD
Cammy HD

Here's an example of the graphic updates: (Top) Arcade Original and HD Concept. (Bottom) Final look. I picked Cammy just because she works that green thong-back swimsuit with those boots. Prr!

Sweet crap, as if the title of the game couldn't get any fucking longer... You can always tell what 'version' of a Street Fighter game you are getting if you count the fucking words:

  1. Street Fighter II
  2. Street Fighter II Championship Edition (the exception to the rule)
  3. Street Fighter II Turbo
  4. Super Street Fighter II
  5. Super Street Fighter II Turbo
  6. Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix

Anyways, the original Street Fighter II has once again been expanded upon. The characters, special moves, fighting mechanics, and so on have been rebalanced from the previous installment, Super Street Fighter II Turbo, in an effort to make the gameplay more balanced for both veterans and novices. Special moves that required making full-circle motions (Zangief's pile-driver, etc) have been reconfigured because, honestly, executing those moves without accidentally jumping was an effort in futility. The music has been updated without losing the core themes of each level, and thank God every track on the soundtrack wasn't turned into a heavy metal remix; for some characters (Blanka, Dhalsim), it would sound really out of place. Each track retains its 'ethnicity' with the appropriate tempos and instrumentation, which I applaud on every level, though to be honest I wish the soundtrack were ripped from the Street Fighter Tribute album, but I still enjoyed it.

The graphics are what received the biggest upgrades. The backgrounds are colorfully recreated in vivid Hi-Def and nothing was lost in translation. The characters have also been upgraded in Hi-Def sprites. One disappointment is that they were not as masterfully rendered as we had been originally promised (the 'color layers' for each sprite had to be cut down because of programming difficulties, so instead of an awesome comic-book look, they all look like anime characters). However, you can't complain because, despite the slightly noticeable downgrade, the game looks as sharp as a razor.

With the improved fighting mechanics and enhanced visuals and sound, this is a game that no Street Fighter fan should be without; and for nearly $40 less than Street Fighter 4, it's a bargain for frugal fighters.

#1 - Burnout Paradise

Burnout Paradise

"Take me down to Paradise City, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty..."
You will hear this song play in the background so many times that your fucking ears will bleed and you will develop a phobia for 80's metal.

This is kind of a cheat entry because though the game Burnout Paradise is downloadable from the Playstation Network, Xbox Live Arcade doesn't allow games over 150MB (WEAK!). However, the game is available in hard format for the Xbox 360, so it still counts as 'non-exclusive'. But, if you have the hard drive space and you want to save money, by all means, download this PSN title. Burnout Paradise is one of the few 'realistic' racing/driving games that I have enjoyed in a long, long time.

Paradise City is expansive and so beautifully detailed that you could spend more time driving in this virtual city than your own home town. If you're not just cruising around Paradise City, you can take part in online and offline challenges, which include: races, stunt runs, and the more demolition-based Marked Man and Takedown modes. The graphics are amazing, the crash physics will keep you entertained for hours, and the soundtrack is pretty good for the most part (I do cringe when I hear Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend", brake dead in my tracks, and switch to Alice in Chain's "Would?").

Recently, Burnout Paradise has been officially dropped to $20. TWENTY-FUCKING-DOLLARS! You would be an IDIOT not to go to Paradise City, where the grass is green and the girls are-

FUCKING SONG!!

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Comments

stylishremyx
15 Aug 2009, 20:35
nice cammy pix! cammy is totally hot n she is even better in SF4. MK2 is a great game cuz you can kill your friendz by eating their heads with Reptile or slicing them up with Baraka. Burnout Paradise for only 20 dollars?? Lucky!! Nice TOP 10 list.
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