NOTE: This review was written Dec 15, 2008. It is the review of my first impression of Playstation Home. Currently there have been some minor additions to Home, mostly Spaces and some new games. However I have not editied this review because many of the more glaring issues I first experienced STILL REMAIN.
- Enjoy
So what do you call a 3D online socializing network, but without the lingerie parties, the digital nudity, the cyber sex, or anything that most people use foresaid 'virtual life' social networks for?
'Home'
So, since 2007 gamers (well, mostly Playstation 3 owners, including myself) have been awaiting the release of Home with rabid anticipation. My initial impression was a positive one:
On December 11, 2008, approximately 14 months later than the initial expected release date, the Home (Beta) was released to the general public. Here's what we saw:
Create a Character (Avatar)
The create an Avatar options in Home are actually really extensive. For the most part, you can create a very close (but never perfect) "3D You" in which to interact with others. You can change not only body shape, but also details like the broadness of your nose and chin, the height of your cheek bones, and so on and so forth. There are also presets that I call "Pick-A-Race" that enables you to change your race quickly instead of messing with the facial feature and skin tone options for hours on end.
What I HATE about the Avatar creation is clothing, or complete lack thereof. When Home first came out, every guy was wearing blue jeans and a gray overshirt, while every girl was wearing tight blue jeans and one of three possible shirts. It wasn't until later that I learned that you had to go to 'the Mall' and BUY (WITH REAL MONEY) new clothes! Each hat, pair of shoes, shirt, or whatever costs between $0.50 - $2.00 of REAL MONEY. And of course with everyone except perverts and pedophiles too cheap to care about buying clothes for their Avatar, everyone sticks with the default clothes.
My initial impression was that, despite having all this creative freedom in creating my character, I was just as distinguishable between other Avatars as one Smurf is with another.
And like The Smurfs, if you're a 'Smurfette', you're a gang rape victim waiting to happen. (See immediately below)
Interact With Others
If by 'interact' you mean "dozens of lonely video game nerds circling the nearest female avatar and staring at digital cleavage" then you're right on the money. I shit you not, if you don't have any other people in your Friends list, pretend you're a girl (make a female avatar), buy a short plaid skirt for $1.00 (real money), and dance for 3 minutes (having music to dance to is optional because for some reason it's not nearly as stupid or creepy as in real life). By the time you can finish humming 'The Bad Touch' by The Bloodhound Gang, you'll be in the center of a virtual bukaki circle attended by every nerd in a 50 foot radius, all of whom are striking stimulating conversations such as:
"Hey"
"Where u from?"
"U look good"
"ASL?" (Age, Sex, Location... scary that I actually know that...)
"i 8 inches"
"U want hard cox?"
(no text messaging because that would require the use of both hands)
And you wonder why these guys are on Home instead of on real dates...
To be fair, communicating with other people is simple. You either hit the triangle button and start punching in text with either the Dualshock 3 controller or (if you're lucky) a USB keyboard, or you hold the L2 button and speak into a headset. I have yet to hear what I sound like on the other end of a conversation, but if it's like the cat calls and cursing of everyone else in Home, then I probably sound like I'm giving oral sex to a live microphone.
A Quick chat feature is also available. This library of short, predetermined phrases (such as "Hello" and "Where are you from?") can be accessed using a quick access menu. I'm currently waiting for the quick-phrase, "Hey Satan, let's fuck!"
Personal Space
Probably the most impressive aspect of Second Life- er, I mean Playstation Home, is the Personal Space. When Sony first announced that they were going to allow every single Home member to have their very own Personal Space to decorate, I almost choked (in a good way... like auto-erotic asphyxiation). You could create a virtual house with furniture, different settings (ex: Ski Lodge, Harbor Loft, Mansion, Zen Garden, etc) and invite your PSN Friends to your pimped out flat. The concept was kind of mind-blowing at first, as I was wondering where the hell did Sony come up with the server storage for millions of people's saved Personal Spaces.
The answer isn't all that spectacular, but is pretty ingenious nonetheless: People save their Spaces to their own hard drives, as well as all of the Spaces a person can visit. The downside is that if you have a 20GB or 40GB built in hard drive for your Playstation 3, the full installation is going to take a moderate chunk of space (roughly 3.5 Gigabytes).
However, like every other section of this review, I have my disappointments with Personal Spaces. First off, the default Space you get is the Harbor Loft, which is pretty cool because you can go out on your balcony and overlook what appears to be a cross between the Seattle Yacht Club and Rio De Janeiro (pretty damned sexy, if you ask me); however, if you want to move into the Summer Home (the only other 'Estate' I can see in the Mall), it's going to cost you. However, it's not a simple matter of a few dollars. The price is currently $5.99. Now you have to ask yourself a question:
Do I buy:
A) a Big Mac with fries and a Coke, or
B) a Personal Space backdrop that about three people are ever likely to actually see?
The choice is yours. Personally, both give me an equally painful stomach ache...
The second gripe is the 'decorating' aspect of your Space. Once again, you're being nickel-and-dimed to death with the cost of furniture, paint, and anything else you can buy in the Mall. Maybe they're simulating the 'joys' of true home ownership and the real life costs of furnishings and customization? I don't know, but it really PISSES ME OFF that they try to alleviate the problem by giving you ONE FREEBIE:
THE FUCKING 'BUBBLE MACHINE'.
Maybe it's because they know that no one in their right fucking mind would BUY a VIRTUAL Bubble Machine for a VERY REAL $2.00, let alone buy a REAL Bubble Machine in REAL LIFE for the same price.
But what about the cool virtual electronics equipment, like the HDTVs and Stereos that let you play the content from your hard drive? Surely, they're in Home, right?
Interactive objects that play content from your hard drive
... No, they aren't in Home.
One of the two things that looked really cool in Home isn't available yet. I call bullshit.
What was the other thing that sets Home apart?
Trophy Rooms
The place where gamers can view your Trophies (Playstation's version of Accomplishments). All of the trophies would be displayed in beautifully rendered 3D models. Videos can also be posted so that your friends can view your amazing Motorstorm crash footage, watch you tearing ass in Killzone 2 or Uncharted: Drake's Fortune, or whatever else you feel like you should brag about.
Lair wasn't half-bad... but wasn't half-good, either
Great concept and something that is really groundbreaking in online gaming.
The problem?
IT'S NOT FUCKING AVAILABLE YET!!!!
The Movie Theater
So far I'm less than thrilled about Home. However, I've only covered a fraction of Home's 'locale'.
Apart from your Personal Space and the (unreleased) Trophy Room, there are more 'social' places to visit. Aside from the Mall and the Center area, is another promising area: The Movie Theater.
The Theater was once demoed as a huge movie theater with different rooms showing different movies. It looked like a swanky Carmike 10, complete with movie posters of all the movies that were showing.
This has, unfortunately, been DOWNSIZED. It is now a single room with about 50 seats that only shows movie trailers. HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT. Now, I understand that it's financially unfeasable to play movies for free in this virtual Theater, but what's to stop companies from showing ads before the movie starts, and maybe even play ads during an intermission? There's still money to be made by showing movies for free in Home. Hell, Sony owns Sony Pictures (duh), so what's to stop them from playing Spiderman once in a while? Hell, charge people $1.00 per flick and it might still be worth it.
Here's my Home Theater experience:
When I was walking around the Central Plaza (or whatever it's called) I saw advertisements for what was playing in the theater. My heart almost stopped. They were showing the new CGI Resident Evil Movie, "Degeneration" (hey, you take what you can get, right?). So I'm stoked that I can go in and view trailers in the Theater, but a whole movie? No fucking way! I'll admit, I was skeptical about being able to watch a whole movie in Home without paying for it (like every other goddamn thing except the fucking worthless Bubble Machine) so I went in expecting to see a movie trailer.
Now, pause for a second to let me describe the 'movie-going experience' in Home. Remember my Bukaki reference above? Now, take that, and add everything you HATE about going to the movies in REAL LIFE (people talking during the movie, people walking in front of you, etc). THAT IS THE HOME MOVIE THEATER IN A NUTSHELL. It's fucking bad enough that you have people walking infront of you so you can't see shit, but then you also have their big goddamn text bubbles. If you're sitting down, YOU CAN'T SEE SHIT EXCEPT FOR A FUCKING OCEAN OF BAD PICKUP LINES THAT LOOKS LIKE 'THE DATING GAME' CLOSED-CAPTIONED FOR THE HEARING IMPARED!
Anyways, back to Resident Evil: Degeneration...
So I sit down, and if you're lucky enough to have a broadband connection, the video doesn't take too long to load (depending on server-load which, naturally, has died down considerably since the cluster-fuck 'unveiling' where everyone and their goldfish were online). So I'm standing up in the front row so I can actually watch the video, and, to my surprise, the movie 'starts'. Like, it starts from the 'beginning'. You see the opening title screen, and the actual movie starts playing! I'm seeing the beginning of the full movie!
"Oh snap, I'm gonna make me sum popcornz!"
So I stop the movie and pop up a batch of kernels, and then re-enter the Theater in the hopes that maybe Home really has something going for it. I'm watching the opening sequence that describes the zombie outbreak in Raccoon City and the nuclear bomb that 'solves the problem'. Then the movie starts setting up the plot. We're reintroduced to the main characters from Resident Evil 2, and I'm enjoying the shit out of myself.
Hell, I can really tolerate all the bullshit going on behind me in the Home Theater if the movie is FREE. In fact, this is really worth it.
The movie is kinda slow for the first 10 minutes, but it gives me something to do on a weeknight when I'm snowed in.
Oh shit... is that dude a zombie? ... Nah, false alarm. It's some hippie protester duche in a zombie outfit... Oh snap, it's Leon! Fuckin' A, he kicked ass in Resident Evil 4!! ... .... *watching intently* ... ... oh fuck... oh fuck, now THAT is a zombie!
Run security cop, RUUUUNNN!!!
... oh well, I didn't want to watch the whole thing anyways. BUT STILL!
So anyways, to summarize Home Theater:
YOU WATCH THE SAME FUCKING 'TRAILERS' YOU CAN DOWNLOAD AND WATCH OUTSIDE OF HOME, BUT WITH A DOZEN STUPID COCKHOUNDS FUCKING IT UP FOR EVERYONE!
Playstatin Home's Theater is just like the real-life, horrible movie-going experience, BUT WITHOUT THE MOVIE!
Yay!
Home's Games
Picture the following: You go into an arcade to play games (in real life, not in Home). You get to the arcade, but you are shocked to see that the only games available are generic Flash games like EchoChrome, Arkanoid and Carriage Return. And worse yet, people are STANDING IN LINES to play these games?!?! Now, albeit EchoChrome is cool, BUT IT IS A WATERED DOWN VERSION OF THE REAL ECHOCHROME!
Carriage Return: My, aren't we having fun??
Now, the arcade is located in the Bowling Ally area of Home. Here you can bowl with friends (if you don't mind waiting in a line patiently while other assholes cut in line in front of you), or go play billiards (pool) with friends (again, waiting in line). Even when you DO get to play pool or go bowling, they feel mediocre at best, and leave me wanting to quit and play better sports games, like Wii Sports or High Velocity Bowling (which is fucking fun!).
Developer Spaces
As of writing this there are only two video game themed Spaces in Home: Sully's Bar and the Train Station.
Sully's Bar is based on the game Uncharted: Drake's Fortune, and looks like a cross between a tiki bar and the lounge of a multi-millionaire big game hunter. If you picture an Indiana Jones themed bar/lounge, you'll get a rough idea of what this place would look like. You have potted exotic plants, artifacts, old maps, and more dead animals hanging on the walls than the house in Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The whole thing looks pretty Indiana Jones, which is a cool look. There are also doors that are passworded, and you need to discover the combination to access the real 'meat' of the Space. One door leads to the Archive Room that has a projector showing the Uncharted 2 trailer and has lots of concept art on the wall. The Artifact Room has all the little 3D treasures you can get in Uncharted displayed throughout the room. The best section is an expansive 'Members Only' lounge that I could honestly die in if it were a real place. However, there's just nothing more to do once you take a 3 minute walk around the area. Sully's Bar also contains one of the few 'Arcade games' worth playing: Mercenary Madness (or something like that), which is actually an interesting take on the classic Atari game 'Pitfall'. You shoot snakes and badguys, push over statues and climb vines, and collect treasures. This one is definitely entertaining.
The Train Station is from the game FarCry 2, and it is probably one of the least appealing Spaces. Honestly, after seeing videos of Resident Evil 5, walking around that African slum made me think something was going to burst out of one of the other Avatar's mouths and kill me. The atmosphere is pretty bleak and really impoverished and deserted, and there's just not a lot to do here.
From what I hear through the grapevine, other developers are starting to contemplate content for Home. A Red Bull brand energy drink Space is soon to be released that features an airplane racing course people can play, so I hope that's fun. Recently, EA Sports is considering making a free sports game area where players can box, shoot hoops, etc. While there is some future potential for Home, I'm almost afraid that by the time it's introduced, people will have stopped caring about Home altogether.
OVERALL
If someone wanted to see just how stupid people would be if 'shame' didn't exist, they should experience Home. The bukaki rings of twelve nerds around one female avatar (who is probably really a guy), people dancing in the middle of a park for no reason and with no music to dance to, and the people who dress like Frosty the Snowman and run in circles (probably because they can't run around naked) is just a horrific visiage that, like staring at the contents of the Ark of the Covenant, will make your eyes bleed and your head explode.
I can't get over the fact that Home is so horribly mediocre. Sony has been hyping this thing for almost two years, showing us all these interesting features that I "can only find in Home", and then they turn around and nickel-and-dime you to death with mediocre content you can find somewhere else, AND NOT STAND IN LINE FOR IT!!
But there is some hope. Home is currently 'Beta', meaning it's got room for improvement before a 'final release'. But you know what? I'm sorry to say it but when you RELEASE something to the general public, you usually make sure it's THE 'final release' right? Otherwise you end up releasing a mediocre product that leaves a bad taste in everyone's mouth and causes people to despise your product, regardless of how much 'potential' it has.
But don't get me wrong, Home has lots of potential, but this first impression nothing but a complete disappointment. It is like ordering lobster in a restaurant and getting popcorn shrimp. It's like upgrading your computer from Windows XP to Windows Vista. It's like being promised the best sex you'll ever have only to find out your hand does a better job.
Mediocrity, thy name is 'Home'.
Graphics
8.0
Graphics aren't bad at all. Characters are detailed. All of the spaces are well developed graphically. No sign of the picture frames or TVs that pull content from your hard drive.
Sound
0.5
What sound?! The sound of wind? The pre-recorded ambience of people actually having interesting conversations that don't sound like "OMG A GURL! LET'S SEXYS!"??
Gameplay
4.0
If you like waiting in line to play internet Flash games, you'll be in heaven. If you're a girl (or look like one) you'll make lots of new friends. Lots of ways to customize your character... except clothing. Fancy clothing will cost ya. And so will the cool 'Personal Space' with the view. And so will everything else except the Flash games.
Story
0.0
The story of sad, lonely, nerdy men who oogle CG Sweater Meat and how stupid people can be if their identities remain anonymous.
Replay Value
5.0
The only replay value is checking back once in a while with hopes that either something new has been added, or that the lines have gotten shorter so you can actually DO THINGS.
man you BURNED PSHome!! Write more stuff liek this!
noname
03 Apr 2009, 21:45
PEOPLE ARE DYING IN IRAQ, CHILDREN ARE STARVING IN AFRICA, AND GLOBAL
WARMING IS KILLING HUNDREDS OF SPECIES A DAY AND YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM IS A
STUPID VIDEO GAME??
It's not really 'hate', I feel more:
disappointed, frustrated, baffled, defeated, disenchanted, disillusioned,
unfulfiled, letdown, distressed, upset, disgruntled, dumbfounded,
perplexed, confused, bamboozled, floored, takenback, thunderstruck, and
some sense of loathing.
But not 'hate'.
The one thing we PS3 owners could have boasted about over Xbox Live, and it
just feels 'empty'.
As far as the Theater it functions like promised back in 2007: being a hub
for trailers (sans 'Premium Content' aka 'movies' that were
contemplated). However, upon re-watching E3 07 trailers on YouTube, the
current mockup is no where nearly as expansive or elaborate.
Victoria
11 May 2009, 12:18
I tried "home" on my husbands ps3 and some stupid guy on the game told me
that I had a nice toilet! What an odd thing to say.
Amen to your review. It is a waste of time.
This review is hilarious! But about the whole beta thing...the devs
probably wanted to release it early to the public because they were in fear
that by the time everything was released it would all end up like Duke
Nukem Forever. I think the Japanese Playstation Home is a hell lot more
interesting albeit a whole lot weirder. They also have a pretty impressive
movie theatre despite just showing already seen trailers in a prepped-up
space. I really think Sony should take a few ideas from your review eg pay
1.00 to watch a film. I think that's genious....but we all know that'll
probably not happen ever. Home has potential, but right now it feels like
playing a high definition child's mmo. Lately I've been going on it
because I get bored out of my mind playing some games.
wavvy
29 May 2009, 10:38
Amazing insight in this review. Was funny but also had good points. They
need to find a way to let anybody play their games without the lines. I can
play games like in Home on Shockwave and Flash. Real movies should be
watchable in the theater even for a dollar or just put in ads every 15
minutes. Mountain Dew would sponsor movies if the viewers saw some of their
Xtreme Winter Sports ads every so often. I hope Sony reads this review and
takes your constructive criticism to heart.
Mayday Malone
16 Jun 2009, 01:52
good review but i think its dated now. lots of new spaces have popped up
since you wrote this and since your Playstation 3 Home review looks like
your most popular page would you consider doing a followup? it is kind of
like a progress report to how much closer the presentday Home compares to
what you think is ideal and if Sony fixed any of your ideas.
JTHM
21 Jun 2009, 14:10
I LOLed, and then cried because your review is so true
Rylsadar
15 Jul 2009, 21:33
Home is still in BETA but from what I read only 30% of people who use home
actually use it more than ONCE. Your comment about the BETA 'leaving bad
taste in your mouth' before the final version is proven fact. Be happy!
Nicholes
16 Jul 2009, 09:13
The Japanese Home actually has an arcade room with pac man, dig dug and a
bunch of other real arcade games. There must be like 10 different games
with multiple machines.
kaptnkrunch
03 Dec 2009, 11:41
Hi I liked your Home review but it is outdated now. Home now has the movie
theater that you were expecting and there are a lot more games and things
to do now. Will you update your review or write a new one?
Janice Marshall
07 Aug 2011, 18:58
I first started using home august of 2009 and everything in this review
matched what I first experienced. A full 2 years later and the promised
features still haven't appeared and never will. The beta status still
hasn't dissapeared and never will. The only thing that has changed is a
number of spaces that were midly fun have dissapeared as have the
moderators who did a bare minimum of curbing the worst offenders. What
hasn't changed is the lack of much to do, the continual harassment by
perverts and the nickel & diming with every increasing prices, a number of
single items over this past 12 months have appeared with prices of $10 or
more instead of the customary 49 cents to $1.49. For what Rysladar said to
be true home would need to be upgraded enough to leave beta status which
clearly hasn't happened in the 2 years since he made his comment and just
as clearly won't be happening at all.
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Playstation Home Review
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