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Valkyria Chronicles
(Playstation 3)

"The Animated World War II and Holocaust", Rated PG.

By LaughingMan

When Imperial forces attack the small border town of Bruhl, Welkin Gunther, son of late General Belgen Gunther, is forced to fight for his life alongside Town Watch captain Alicia Melchiott. Along with Welkin's adopted sister Isara, the three escape to Gallia's capitol and subsequently join the country's Militia. As members of the newly-formed Squad 7 they must work to repel the invading Imperial forces and discover the true purpose of the invasion itself.

I've always wondered what a less political, child-friendly, PG-rated, animated version of Nazi atrocities during the Second World War would look like... Well, not really. The concept is just as offensive as having a cartoon mouse mascot holding a sign outside of a train station that reads "Welcome to Auschwitz."

Anyways, the backdrop to Valkyria Chronicles is that it's 1935 in a land called 'Europa', and the countries of the Atlantic Alliance (blue guys) are being invaded by the Empire to the East (red guys). Thus, the Second Europan War begins (EWII).

Are you starting to see ANY 'similarities' yet? How about this:

In Valkyria Chronicles, Darcsens, a race of people that are oppressed and despised in Europa for ancient transgressions, are held in Imperial work camps where they are forced to work in the dangerous mines and factories under brutal conditions.

If this doesn't sound like a child-friendly anime of Schindler's List, then you need to open up a fucking history book.

The main story of Valkyria Chronicles revolves around a couple of ill-fated lovers named Welkin Gunther and Alicia Melchiott. Both are drafted members of Squad 7, a militia in the Dutch-like country of Gallian. While Gunther's father was a General in EWI (Europan War 1), his orphaned son, Welkin, is (shamefully) the stereo-typical Japanese hero: A pacifist who, both out of love for his friends and loyalty to his homeland, commandeers a machine to fight an evil empire. (Another reason I hate anime...)

To be more honest about Welkin's personality, he's actually a 'naturalist' who is absolutely ENGROSSED by anything involving nature: Bugs, plants, manure (I seriously didn't make that last one up...) However, he is also calm, cool and collected enough to earn the respect of his compatriots and fellow soldiers through his insane/ingenious plans at thwarting his enemies, proving he's not just a rich son of a hero but also a capable leader.

On his way home during an evacuation of his Dutch-style village (windmills and all), Welkin stops by a stream and begins to talk to the fish as he draws them swimming upstream, but is captured by one of he head members of the town militia, Alicia Melchiott. (Alicia is also a baker... as in bread and cakes... and that comes into play later in Valkyria Chronicles as she tries (awkwardly) to get to Welkin's heart through his stomach.) Alicia captures Welkin, assuming that by him being an unfamiliar face, he is an Imperial Spy. However, to Welkin's dumb luck, he is set free after his sister, Isara, the well-known and well-respected adopted daughter of General Gunther, vouches for her brother.

The town is shortly invaded and it is up to Welkins and Alicia to mount a resistance long enough for the townspeople to escape. After a few battles, Isara informs Welkins that she has a tank (A FUCKING 'TANK'?) in her barn (?!?!). Isara drives the tank with Welkins giving the orders, and with the help of the Town Watch led by Alicia, they hold off the invasion long enough for people to evacuate and for Welkins and Isara's nanny to GIVE BIRTH INSIDE THE TANK.

"Look at what we found in the barn! It was behind a pig!"

Shortly after your confrontation, all three members are drafted into the Gallian militia, all under the leadership of Lieutenant Welkin Gunther. There you meet two hard asses: Rosie, the ex- bar 'singer' and current machine-gunner; and Largo, Tank Lancer (tank blower-upper), ex-farmer, EWI veteran and vegetable fanatic. Neither of them like you at first, as both are seasoned veterans who view you as a glory-hound. However, after a few wins, you'll gain their trust.

Oh, what a colorful crew of misfits we have: Hippies, Bakers, Farmers and Strippers, all armed to the hilt and out to stop an evil Empire. All we need now is an anamorphic dog named 'Chewy'.

The entire world of Valkyria Chronicles plays out through the storytelling of Irene Koller and her novel, “On the Gallian Front”. Needless to say, Valkyria Chronicles is story-driven, even to the point where the 'chapters' in Valkyria Chronicles are literally chapters in a book. Navigating the book is a simple process that utilizes a “Tab” system to find what you're looking for. There are phonebook-like tabs designated for the main story of Valkyria Chronicles, as well as:

• Headquarters – Choose your team members, upgrade weapons, level up characters, etc.
• Skirmishes – Fight optional battles to ear experience / money.
• Weapon Information – View weapon details
• Character Information – View 3D models of Valkyria Chronicles's characters and read bios.
• Etc – I'm too lazy to remember the other 4-5 tabs

Combat is Valkyria Chronicles's next strength. However, Valkyria Chronicle's gameplay is extremely hard for me to give you an accurate explanation, so I'll just run you through a battle:

• You start off by selecting a handful of characters from your Headquarters section. There are TONS characters in Valkyria Chronicles (probably around the 100's), and it's overwhelming at first. However, all of the characters are broken into the following classes:
  • Scout - Travels the furthest per turn, carries grenades and a rifle. Can spot hiding enemies.
  • Shocktroopers - Machine gunners. Heavy firepower, heavy armor, and can travel a medium distance.
  • Lancers - Anti-Tank Specialists. Shoot missiles out of javelins (think knights on horses). travel roughly same distance as Shocktroopers.
  • Snipers - Though they can shoot from great distances and (if you're good enough) can do 1-hit-kills via head shots. Can't travel for shit, though.
  • Engineers - Used to deliver ammo, fix your tank, and disarm traps. Can travel about as far as the Scout, but is really weak in combat.
• You place your characters in pre-determined points on a map. Strategy is key.
• When you begin your battle, you have a row of medals at the top of the screen. Each time you use a character, a medal is used. If you use your tank, two medals are consumed.
• You select your character and you have a meter at the bottom of your screen. As you move around, the meter goes down. The meter's size depends on your character's class (sniper, etc)

A typical map. Blue guys are you, Red are the enemies.

• You move around the map in 3rd person until you find an enemy. Then you press R2 and enter an over-the-shoulder shooter mode where you aim cross hairs and kill your enemy. Or, you can simply take positions in trenches or in brush and cancel the rest of your turn with the O button. You are allowed only ONE use of the attack command on the character you select. However, the character can be selected multiple times per 'turn', but your ammunition is not re-supplied, and your movement meter is only partially replenished.

• When your medals are all used up, it's the Enemy's Turn. The same rules apply. When the enemy is out of medals, it's your turn to control your characters again.
• If you kill a key enemy (usually maroon in color), the enemy loses a medal PERMANENTLY. Same applies vice versa. If Rosie is killed, you lose a medal.
• If an ally is killed, you have 3 turns to 'save them' by approaching their body and calling a medic to pick them up.
• Saved allies can be brought back to action if you are in control of a camp.
• Complete your objective and win, or meet a condition of failure (usually having Welkin's tank blow up is the biggest threat).

IN SUMMATION:

So, basically it's like a huge game of chess: Each piece has a trait, and have to be placed strategically on a board. The only difference is that you get to cram in a lot of moves during your turn. Also, if you kill a bishop of a knight, the other player loses one of his moves during his turn.

While battles operate in the same way, rarely do they ever feel repetitive. Because all of the battles have their own conditions, goals, and obstacles, every fight feels fresh. Rarely does Valkyria Chronicles ever become boring. Often, however, does Valkyria Chronicles feel CHEAP.

While it is your turn, and you are moving your piece, every enemy within viewing distance is raining a hail-storm of bullets on your selected character. It is as though the character you select is given a big neon sign that says "I AM HERE, KILL ME IF YOU CAN". The entire thing feels horribly unfair. Why is it that my scouts attract gunfire like an enormous electro-magnet while enemy scouts can sneak past all of my near-sighted soldiers with minimal damage taken? Even more unfair is that Valkyria Chronicles is supposed to be turn-based, so why are my characters being killed by my enemies during my turn? The third and final reason the CPU outright CHEATS is that if an enemy marches towards you, your enemies will attack him UNTIL HE STOPS; then my soldiers think that it warrants an automatic cease fire. However, if I go trotting towards an Imperial soldier, I get shot at, and if I stop, I STILL GET SHOT AT. Only when I raise my weapon does the enemy not only stop firing at me, but PATIENTLY WAITS FOR ME TO SHOOT HIM BETWEEN THE EYES. For fuck's sake, Sega.

Another prime example of the game's horrible bias is the mission where you have to destroy Emperor Maximilian's massive battle tank. Destroying the tank is a chore in itself, but an interesting one. When you are finally about to bring the massive mechanical monstrosity to its knees, SHE comes out of the fucking blue and wipes out your entire squadron:

Thanks to this bitch, I gotta buy a new PS3 controller and plaster the hole in my living room wall.

GAME TIP: The blue bitch's energy attacks don't effect your tank. Position your tank between her and a group of your Lancers, then use the Lancers to blow the Emperor's tank to hell without getting touched.

Different characters have different traits. Examples: Some work better in forests, some work better with some characters and not others, some are affected by certain conditions (low health, being in a group or alone, allergies, etc). You don't level up individual characters, you level up classes and all characters in that class rank up together (THANK GOD). Instead you cash in your Experience Points with an anime R. Lee Ermey (Sergeant Hartman).

"Drop and give me 20, BAKA!"

Anyways, that's pretty much Valkyria Chronicle's gameplay in a nutshell. I really don't want to get into it in any more detail because I would like to get back to my life sometime this week. So I'll jump right into what you graphic whores want:

The pencil and watercolor filters create some of the most spectacular scenes of any game or movie.

The graphics are masterful. It looks like a unique hybrid of pencil-sketch and water-color is applied to all of the textures in Valkyria Chronicles. A lot of people overlook the intricacy of this art-style, often saying it's just another cell-shaded game. I've seen my share of cell-shading: The Good and The Bad, But the folks at SEGA managed to really create something unique to Valkyria Chronicles; a style that looks like a colorful book illustration. One interesting detail is that the entire screen is not colored. The edges of the screen are left colorless, and you can see uncolored pencil, making Valkyria Chronicles feel even more like a moving piece of art. Character detail is also light-years above par, and even the dozens upon dozens of your extra characters are developed with different looks as well as personalities, voices, and even their own back stories. You have your stoic lone wolves, your outgoing and annoying girls, and you even have one excessively flamboyant guy that fits every gay stereotype in the book.

As far as sound, the music is boastful and very fitting for a war epic. You have a proud orchestral piece for the Alliance (you) while the Imperial theme is a little more brooding, which reflects the imminent threat of war. Voice actors did a very exceptional job of giving EVERY CHARACTER IN VALKYRIA CHRONICLES DIFFERENT VOICES; whether it's pitch, pattern, or accent, no two voices sound identical. One small complaint is the sound effects department, because I just can't "feel" the explosions of mortar fire, or the booming of cannons. They just sounds kind of 'stock' to my ear.

The writing in Valkyria Chronicles, for the post part, is well done. However, there's a LOT of cutscenes and dialogue you'll have to swim through to get to the meat of Valkyria Chronicles. I'm almost certain that the dialogue is more unevenly balanced than Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, but at least any excess stories or character developing scenes are entirely optional. While the story is definitely parallel to WWII Europe, at its heart Valkyria Chronicles is a good story as a whole.

One thing that REALLY drives me crazy are some of the horribly corny conversations the characters have with each other. While the majority of the conversations are exceptional, some of them are just horribly awkward. The most awkward conversations always seem to revolve around Welkin trying to relate things to himself:

Welkin: "I want to be a bridge."
Largo: *looks at him like 'WTF U TALKIN BOUT?'*
Welkin: "I want to be a bridge that links everyone in Squad 7 together."
Largo: *looks at him like 'OMG FAG'*

Oh, and let's not forget about the forced comic-relief, Hans...

Hans, is a fucking pig... with wings... I thought pigs would fly the day I saw something MORE STUPID AND ANNOYING than Jar-Jar Binks, but I wasn't expecting THIS. Hans is Alicia's pet, and can seemingly understand people's talk and emotions, but only ever ever makes a 'Moink' sound. Every time this walking piece of horrible Japanese humor appears in frame, the player will find himself completely jarred out of the experience. Because as goofy as the human characters such as Welkin can be from time to time, it's always in-character, and serves to reinforce their personality. With Hans, his sole purpose is to provide comic relief, but in doing so he breaks willing suspense of disbelief and the overall mood of Valkyria Chronicles into little pieces and stomps on them, thereby ruining any humor present, and rendering the whole scene terrible. He just rubs me the wrong way like people waking me up to barrow money.

Midway through Valkyria Chronicles, I was honestly hoping that Squad 7 would be marooned somewhere, Donner Party style, and after the first night they would get hungry and resort to eating ham and chicken wings. Then, on the second night they get rescued and can get on with the rest of Valkyria Chronicles. Now THAT'S comedy.

Hans in a perfect world...

Despite some qualms with the dialogue, there are saving graces. Prime examples are the conversations between Largo (the veggie farmer/Lancer) and Rosie (the 'bar singer'), which actually sound natural and fluid. I especially like the voice acting for the two because it doesn't sound forced, rehearsed, or monotone like a lot of stuff from Japan that gets English dubbing. It not only sounds natural, but it's also written to sound natural. All in all, in Valkyria Chronicles the Japanese to English translation was an extremely successful one that doesn't trip on many of the poor 'translation errors' that have plagued games and movies, both past and present. While a lot of the scenarios still reek of Japanese plot and humor that we 'Westerners' often fail to grasp, or just completely despise (HANS!!!), at least the conversations sound fluid and natural.

OVERALL

While Valkarea... Valkyrie... Valkyrea... However-Its-Fucking-Spelled Chronicles seems to suffer from a genre identity crisis, the end result is actually one of the few games that I could actually consider 'complete' as far as gameplay. Valkyria Chronicles is a lot like a good gumbo: while there's a ton of different and seemingly contrasting ingredients in it, they strangely compliment each other., resulting in a unique taste that none of the ingredients could have obtained alone. Had Valkyria Chronicles NOT taken the better aspects of each genre and made it all work well together seamlessly, it would have been a bigger disaster to Sega and the Playstation 3 than Shadow the Hedgehog and Playstation Home combined.

If you have been sitting on the fence about Valkyria Chronicles, i'll sum it up nicely:

• If you like RPGs, get it
• If you like Strategy games (StarCraft, WarCraft, etc), get it
• If you like anime, get it
• If you have a Playstation 3, get it
• Everyone else, at least rent it or borrow it from someone who has it

With the rich visuals, compelling story, and impressive gameplay, everyone should visit the land of Gallian at least once.