Poor Ports, Respectable Remakes, and Final Fantasy XIII Futanari Fiascos

Final Fantasy XIII was recently released on Steam and the PC, but the reception has been largely negative. While the vote on whether Final Fantasy XIII is a competent RPG is a topic that has split gamers into several camps, the reaction has been fairly one-sided. Complaints about locked resolutions and frame-rates, low-resolution cut-scenes, and a massive hard disk requirement has fans up in arms. Meanwhile, SquareEnix has yet to comment on the poor PC port of one of their most recent Final Fantasy titles, which has come to no surprise to many SquareEnix fans. There have been past issues regarding sound quality with Final Fantasy VIII PC ports which SquareEnix has never rectified. The lack of reaction by SquareEnix regarding the PC port issues has prompted game hackers and fans to release patches to rectify a few of the graphical issues, but fans still have a bad taste in their mouth in regards to SquareEnix’s business practices of late.

And that includes SquareEnix releasing countless Final Fantasy XIII sequels, despite the divisive and luke-warm response of the original Final Fantasy XIII. The prompt to possibly rush a Final Fantasy XIII port to the PC and Steam may even stem from SquareEnix preparing to release the third Final Fantasy XIII game to the PC to coincide with the eventual console releases. At this point it’s like SquareEnix is trying to ram Lightning’s dick down our throats. Cue the Final Fantasy XIII futanari jokes here.

However, LaughingMan and CineMax are watching from the sidelines and wondering how such an abysmal and careless port could even fly in this day and age. Considering the recent rush to “upgrade” several recent games and franchises to the “next-gen” consoles (Uncharted, The Last of Us, Metro 2033, Deus Ex: Human Revolution Director’s Cut, Sleeping Dogs, The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, etc) and the graphical and texture improvements being made to many of these aforementioned games, it’s like SquareEnix has taken a massive step backwards. However, that’s not to say that everything is a bed of roses for these (possibly needless) remakes of very recent games. However, what constitutes a GOOD game ‘upgrade’ and what warrants a purchase?

Listen as we dissect the latest trend of ‘upgraded editions’ of games, and which we can support with our money.

Also, plenty of jokes about being orally raped by Lightning. Just sayin’.

LaughingMan

The loveable lunatic with the foul mouth and the iconic laugh, Laughingman is the founder of CCS. With more coffee than copper in his bloodstream, he's a full-time website developer by day, and a gamer, editor, and fiction writer by night.

CineMax

A subversive excommunicated from [REDACTED] as a result of a failed coup d'etat, CineMax has miraculously managed to reach and find asylum in the Land of the Free. Here he spends his days working for Cheshire Cat Studios, all the while plotting his inevitable return to the motherland to once again foment the flames of revolution.

3 Comments on “Poor Ports, Respectable Remakes, and Final Fantasy XIII Futanari Fiascos

  1. I understand way they went with porting the 360 for FFXIII, it a greedy terrible reason, that is that the 360 user the DirectX as a graphics redder, just like all Microsoft products, will PS3 has a Unix base OS and most likely use OpenGL to redder graphics. Which should not be a real problem seeing how OpenGL works perfectly on any platform, but if you add the additional changes to things like the windowing functions, threads etc, it is easier to use the 360 as a base, because it shares some functionality with Windows.
    But to me the whole porting thing reminds me of Dark Souls and its shitty PC port, no mouse control what so ever, none, 30 fps and to top it all off it use the game controller’s key naming system “press b for back and a for start” but the b key was k on my keyboard and the a key was l, to play the dame thing you needed a cheat sheet in front of you the whole time to tell you what key did what.
    So imagine playing a brutally hard game with out knowing what key dose what and little to now camera control, because you can’t move the camera, fight and move your character. Because Bandai said “Fuck it will make the PC port for three armed mutants only, who are willing to rip out keys form there keyboard and rename the ones left.”, perfect 10 out of 10.
    Even DMC3 was playable on PC and that is Capcom we are talking about, kings of shady business practices.

    • How did we forget about Dark Souls on the PC? o_O I remember the backlash that got as well. But you’re absolutely spot on with SquareEnix taking the easier route and porting the Xbox 360 version to Windows because of DirectX.

      I still wonder how they justified such a lazy port, though. Perhaps it has to do with the $16 price point on Steam? Not that I see people paying full price with Final Fantasy XIII-1 again any time in the near future.

      Thanks for watching/listening/tolerating-our-crap! 🙂

      • “Not that I see people paying full price with Final Fantasy XIII again any time in the near future”

        FFXIII was the first main-line Final Fantasy game I played, or rather tried to play, but I just couldn’t get into it. Though in my case it was because it seemed “difficult” to me, it didn’t help that the game felt so tedious with having to do nothing but level grind (which was the reason people criticized FFXIII’s extreme linearity, not because it was “different”) and that the story didn’t really grab my attention due to its bonkers exposition and anime-trope characters, as well as “themes” that were executed in a very unsubtle manner. And from what I have looked up for the sequels, it seems the story only become more bonkers.

        Meanwhile there is FFIX, in which the characters were much more interesting and went beyond the tropes. The world-building being much more competent (the locations and dungeons in FFIX actually feel like they belonged in the same world, while in FFXIII the locations felt random). Not to mention the story going into complex territory with its existential themes of life and death (which is why I don’t mind the fact that the final boss shows up out of nowhere as I view it as a thematic clash of ideals). It’s too bad that people initially dismissed it for having a “cartoony” artstyle (just like what happened with Wind Waker) while others dismissing it as “getting in the way of the series’ evolution”.

        FFVI was also very good. One of the best games I played I will add. Still impressed that they managed to not only fit such a large roster of playable characters into the game but also make each character interesting and important to the story.

        FFVII, ironically enough, has a very Tolkien element to its world and story, from its themes of industrialization vs nature to inspiration but also in that the story takes influence from Norse mythology (LOTR wasn’t strictly Norse influenced but both Middle Earth and Midgar derive from Miidgard). http://www.thetolkienforum.com/index.php?threads/tolkien-and-final-fantasy.20716/

        FFXII was an interesting experiment but could have been improved with a more polished version of its combat system, more diversity in character customization (which the International Zodiac Version apparently luckily addresses), and a change of main protagonist. Basch, a former and disgraced general, would have been a much better protagonist for FFXII due to his backstory as a disgraced general (and it would actually tie into the combat and gambits system since you are essentially giving your characters commands and formulating different strategies). In fact apparently he originally was meant to be the main character (or rather FFXII originally had an older protagonist that Basch was derived from), but the execs at Sqaure Enix forced the development team to make Vaan the main character because they wanted the game to have a younger protagonist just like almost every other JRPG to make it “more marketable”.

        FFXIII tries to have complex themes about religion and individuality, but is rife with constant exposition being spoonfed to us, many baffling plot contradictions, from big plot details to smaller details that have to do with the world of the game(Also Xenoblade Chronicles dwelved into these themes about religion and individuality in a much more subtle manner). And from having looked up FFXIII-2 (have no idea why they think “[insert number]-two” was a good idea) and Lightning Returns, despite claiming to have planned out an entire mythos for FFXIII, it seemed Square was just making stuff up as they go along.

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